Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "Oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was indeed an accident. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
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Top comments
BassGirl 5
shit happens
MzMegs 20
Disgusting. :(
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Comments (108)
lexxie_bleh 0
woah. your life is so ****** up... NOT! this was a waste if reading. *cough*cough* **** off this website.
uhhh_awkward 0
#62: Hi! I just wanted to tell you (before other people comment on your comment, if they intend to) that sometimes, things on FML are just posted for fun!! They might not really be a real FML, but are just things that are funny, to which you would say "Ohhh no FML haha!!" :)
Hollisterbabe11 0
How is this an FML? The true FML is you're a moron! Dont listen to the voicemails!
esebenz 0
how's that a fml?
Ibogaine 0
Ring him back while you are in the throws of passion, that should even the score.
aardvarkish 17
sounds like a new colorful family tradition starting up
Stewie22 2
epic
driftability 0
You must have been listening to your dad take a crap for a while to describe it as "monstrous"?. :f
uhhh_awkward 0
Ughhh no haha poor OP! Maybe tell your dad before it gets worse? Good luck!!
lalolalololalalo 0
yumm yumm
SONiC79 0
lolrus