Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "Oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was indeed an accident. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
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Top comments
BassGirl 5
shit happens
MzMegs 20
Disgusting. :(
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Comments (108)
OwNowBrownCow 0
Your dad seems adventurous.
renvy 0
LOL. That's the word..
saywhaaat_01 0
grossss
atxvictor 0
wow your cute. and that's greatt
Sikk33 0
A 12 yr old picking up on a 21 yr old on FML.. Now that's what's cute haha
InDenial 6
And creepy...Eh, I've seen worse.
InDenial 6
But he'd surely be older than 12.
JacindasaurXD 0
lmaoo " monsterous!" haha thats nasty brah! its ok my mom always tells me about her turds:((
Lilllly_1316 0
woaaah, while I was typing mine, you posted this, and we said like the same thing. "nasty brah". Haha, epic. :)
samuel18 0
u guys must be long lost TWINS!!
Lilllly_1316 0
Tell him to take you off speed dial. cuz, that's nasty brah. :]
RKftw68 0
that's crappy
myagirl 0
maybe you should tell him about it and suggest him getting a lock on his phone????
Bikrbum 6
That is nasty!!
eternalsunlight 5
Pocket dialling= life's most embarrassing moments caught on voicemail. You really need to teach your dad how to lock his phone so that he won't accidentally dial you!!
bigbadtim 7
And your problem is? So what he butt dialed you, it's not a major problem. Just ask him to be more careful.
hawty12345 0
OP needs to cut the crap and tell her father to stop butt dialing her.