Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML
Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML
Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, I found an old USB drive in a drawer and spent the afternoon going through the files, expecting embarrassing photos from school. Instead, I found a spreadsheet I'd made at 16, listing every person I had a crush on, complete with rankings and notes. I'm now terrified someone will find my “Top 10” list. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you color coordinating the STD's too? crabs can be red, syphilis green, and the clap can be yellow cause when i think of clapping i think happy.
fisheatsbear 6
is this list like a pokedex? gotta bang em all. xD
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Comments (370)
taskemus 10
At some point, every parent figures out that their kids are sexually active, so this was bound to happen sometime. At least he took it well! (Also, keeping a list is a really cool idea.)
cjstarsky73 0
ho fa sho
conway316 0
YDI for being a *****.
kroms001_fml 0
you fools OP IS A GUY
cinderellie 0
seriously, 32 guys and 4 girls? hopefully your dad will have another talk with you abt the wonderful world of STDs and how big a **** you are...if he doesn't then i see why you act this way. control yourself.
jennm1484 0
Okay - if you're still living in your parents' home, you need to be a bit more respectful... Although, I haven't slept with nearly that number of people, I don't think that's the problem (assuming you're a reasonably intelligent person who uses protection). Seriously though, if you're in your teens, your dad should have been pissed. My parents would have a serious conversation with me if they saw a list like that and I'm 26, living 6 hours away in my own home.
thedazeez 0
the thing that seems crazy to me is that u have 30+ partners and still live with ur dad either u are a major **** at the age of 18 or so or you are "free rider" skating thru life on ur parents income...
taskemus 10
@195 I didn't get the impression that she lived with her dad. For all we know she could be 35 or something (OP, if you're younger, no offense) and her dad stopped by her apartment/house and stumbled upon the list.
TheMajekalBum 0
damn this kinda makes me sad, my puny list of only 5
krez 20
Daddy didn't care about the number because they were all his sloppy seconds. People don't behave in such a socially irresponsible manner unless they had something happen to them when they were young.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
That's an outrageous assumption.
taskemus 10
@197 Having sex is in no way "socially irresponsible."
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
^ Agreed. Now if OP had confessed to risky sex acts like choking or having unprotected sex that resulted in the spread of STDs/STIs and several unplanned, unwanted pregnancies, then we could talk. But just sleeping around more than usual? Unadvisable, perhaps; socially irresponsible, no. In fact, as someone mentioned above, keeping the list is probably a socially responsible thing to do if you're going to have a high number of partners. If she ever does wind up pregnant or infected, she could easily notify the partner(s) involved.
johnnydeath 0
I thought I was going on whorey at 24, but op has me beat by over double. that's intense.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
If you're talking about your respective sexual partners and not your age, check your math-- 24 isn't less than half of 36.