Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (235)
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
caver1 14
That must have happend BEFOR
Lebeaugars95 20
salt should never be near any genitalia..
curlytop101 23
Things really must've been poppin'.
imyy 20
Sounds like she's a little salty about this.
applebramble 22
What the actual ****
aruden 25
actual pop rocks would have been a lot more fun
prinncess00 16
Croch Rocks! Let the thumbs down commence...
colby6666 43
99- Yes, thumb down your comment, mainly because you spelled "crotch" wrong.
incoherentrmblr 22
Just don't put any coca-cola in there. You might die if you decide to eat out...
loooloool 13
Can't you get a yeast infection from that crap?
kaynorr 9
Salty Surprise aye
kewpiesuicide 29
Still surprised this FML has more 'I agree, your life sucks' than 'You deserved it'...
AryanaH 6
Are we related? XD
TCKM416 15
Poprocks in your ****** would give you a yeast infection
jerryj 27
I may not have a ******, but I feel for you.
EverestMelting 23
I feel OP is salty..
Sadgirox 7
#2 when I read this , you had 69 thumbs up
Saif94 4
This is the best comment I have ever read
speakersboom 19
That's probably why you got thumbed down.
BigJoeZD 16
How could you do that #2? It clearly says that she's married to her husband!
AriettaX 15
Ow!!!!!!
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
Why ur husband didn't put some salt on his dick too?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Because he peppered it.
onealmxwilson 18
Peppered his pecker
ribbons 23
It seems he was planning on getting salt on his dick a bit later -- she mentioned "to spice things up for the next round". So, really, was he expecting it to turn into a bubble bath in her vag or something?
patrickalamo 48
OP, YDI you allowed him to do it.
597mph 10
He already got his dick wet.
shanebob 15
#3, your grammar is atrocious.
MisterEx 28
MEXICAN BEER! Wtf is wrong with me?
Alihb 16
⭐️you tried
MisterEx 28
I regret nothing! Except maybe my previous comment. And yesterday's burrito. And life.
PurelyCanadian 18
That's a whole lot of "nothing".
Alihb 16
I think we all eventually get to that point were we regret life
thesinginguy 18
Number 1 rule if comedy: Random does not equal funny.
HowsBoutaRoadie 8
you should put bath salts in his coffee the next morning. the drug kind not the smelly stuff.
hunteryager 18
Oh yeah, drugging your husband is always a good idea. Especially if the drug makes you crazy enough to eat someone's face. Mmmm faces....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
It was proven that the guy was never on bath salts, he was just plain crazy.
hunteryager 18
More than just plain crazy. More like ******* psychotic.
tman1985 9
Caaaaaarrrllllll, is that you? (llamas with hats) ..."because friendship is 2 pals munching on a well cooked face together."
hunteryager 18
Caaaaaaaarrrlll that kills people!
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Caaaaaaaarrrlll!!!!
pandalover69 26
@21, those are a different kind of bath salt. Bath salts you bathe with and bath salts you get high off of are 2 completely different things. If you actually try to smoke the ones you bathe with nothing will happen, you'll just look like a moron.
hunteryager 18
Yes but #5 mentioned the drug kind specifically. I understand there's a difference.
kissmeImawkward 17
I laughed out loud at your comment and for some reason, I still have that image stuck in my head
VeganVampyre 27
113, there are other ways to look like a moron... Not reading comment threads properly before you reply to them, for example?
littlem91 29
Did you not notice him doing it? I'm a little confused how you'd not realise. Of course you're also clearly married to a moron. Perhaps see a doctor, that can't be good.
Palirose 22
Right? Obviously OP is a moron too for even allowing him to do such a stupid thing.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
ya I agree.. it seems odd and not something I would even think about doing.
nightowl713 25
Definitely not a common thing where I'm from! Really though, that most likely will cause a pretty bad infection. Drs say that just taking bubble baths isn't good for your "woman hood", I can't imagine having essentially "chemically altered rocks" shoved up there. How was that even supposed to be pleasurable? I imagine it being quite painful for the both of you, OP.
hayjay2000 8
I imagine it a lot more painful. Most women can't even have pads with faint scents (irritative) so I can imagine smelly bath salts would burn and hurt a LOT.
rinzlerkitty94 31
Vaginal cringe. I've never known that was a thing before just now.
caver1 14
But it will be clean
gracehi 33
Put bath salts up his ass and see how he likes it.
XCrazyMofo2010X 17
Ouch. Next time be careful or atleast use something less… Salty