Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
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Top comments
jonn090 13
Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?
thejewishfuhrer 17
Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.
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Comments (118)
Gunnarr 12
So get your ass up and kill zombies. It's go time, Boss.
john1234595 0
Well did u help him.
AmongstTheFaces 5
I've been waiting for this day. Now I can **** up some zombies!!!
Cad6 24
That was hardly a cutting remark; you could afford to sharpen your tongue to avoid coming off like a whet blanket. But let me axe you this: can words cut so deeply that one might blade to death?
twifan1901 0
Anyone else think the theme today is zombies? Or is that just me?
rach2010 0
Not if you spell them wrong. ^^
Cad6 24
^^I intentionally spelled them wrong. I know, it's a punny thing to do, but if you read it again, you'll see why.
rach2010 0
It still wasn't funny....
The_Hitdude 12
And you're still an idiot.
hues99 1
Lol that's soo funny I would not have been able to stop laughing lol