Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
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Top comments
Miguemex95 4
Sorry OP :( I think you are better off without him.
bitchpleasemike 7
didn't they believe the neighbor? and couldn't they smell the alcohol? wow...FYL
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Comments (89)
Miguemex95 4
Sorry OP :( I think you are better off without him.
K_kanaka 26
OP ur long lost father is a fucken dick. Don't give him a second chance.
Climaxx 11
Exactly! At least you haven't turned out like him, OP. Hopefully you had a better role model. (:
eyyitsalejandra 0
What a dick. I hope the police ended up believing you
n_epic_fail 14
Just goes to show, just because you fathered a child doesn't make you a father. He should have just stayed lost.
goldfish78 11
I think the cops would believe since it is his place. His father considered trespassing already.
MilkmanPsycho 7
That sperm donor should have stayed lost.
THE_A_TEEN 28
What are you saying, #37?
ClassyCommando 13
I'm assuming the neighbour told the police what was happening when they made the call. Why the **** would the police believe his father? Just tell the cops to check his blood alcohol level and you'll be fine, OP.
ankoku 2
Well I think YDI for not stabbing him b4 the cops got there :P
THE_A_TEEN 28
That would made it worse since now there is actual evidence of the stabbing, and OP would go to prison for a long time...
ferrettamer 6
Oh gee, it's not like this exact same story was posted before.
dragonrider1959 18
Agreed
The_Commentor_ 6
So your dad is not in Jail after trying to beat you? Thats sucks though.
thantomaniac 0
**** THA POLICE
Epsilonyx 15
14, don’t just **** the police. Take the police on a romantic dinner date. Then, slowly win the absolute affection of the police. Make the police fall in love with you. Make the police unable to imagine life without you. Eventually, once your relationship has reached the apex of perfection, tenderly make love to the police. Make the police want you. Make the police need you. Then move away and never call back.
jellitonoctopus 19
19, 14 was just referring to another fml.
jellitonoctopus 19
Woops, my misunderstanding 19, I've misread your comment, my apologies.
RedPillSucks 33
Epsilonyx, epic win!
nonamericandolla 6
OP is ok! Can't be writing this from jail...
Roevera 14
Sounds like a convincing drunk if they believed him. that's crappy OP..
godofswag 6
I remember my first beer
Michael_92 20
@35 What does your first beer have to do with the FML? Anyway OP I would suggest to maybe leave him out of your life? He sounds like a bad dad to me.
MikeMikeTheAzn 3
HUMANS HAVE INSTINCTS!!
Rommel1942 9
Be like "Whoa whoa whoaaaaa!.... It was chuckie!"
cosmosis 12
Whoa whoa whoaaaaa! ... Just stop there mate. No! Just No!
bitchpleasemike 7
didn't they believe the neighbor? and couldn't they smell the alcohol? wow...FYL
Torva_fml 16
Apparently not.
mygreenhoodie 0
At least hes a good role model
bitchpleasemike 7
that was the lamest joke ever
MikeDa1Da 14
Judging from his picture, I don't think he's joking.
xStaciexLynnx 15
I think it was sarcasm, not a joke.
mama2b3 20
Sometimes people should just stay lost.
Dracoboxer357 36
^ Agreed. Simply being related by blood isn't a good excuse to deal with a life time of abusive shit, for example. Family's a privilege, not a right, and it should be treated as such, IMHO....
alexh15 13
The way that I see it, is that he will now again be long and lost to you. For a long time.
vegz 0
You should be glad he was long lost and you didnt have to grow up with that it sucks but it could be alot worse hope this helps
SpiritOfFire 8
"Believed" hopefully means they believe you now! Yet not realizing your father was just trying to teach you that good doesn't always win may be your loss ^.~