Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jonn090 13
Is it me or do I smell a game of COD Nazi zombies?
thejewishfuhrer 17
Don't forget to double tap. Oh and always wear your seatbelt.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
calmyourself 7
I would take this as a sign that your father truly cares about you. Even when he's drunk, he still worries about the zombies attacking you. I think it's sweet...
Urbanchiller 0
Looks like you are taking a bite out of your dog's brain, mhhmmm ... Brainssss.
calmyourself 7
I'm the zombie OP's dad was trying to kill.
Urbanchiller 0
By the way, your dog look faded, no **** was given that day by your dog.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Zombie apocalypses are the best times to have father son bonding time.
ejjamael 5
damn right!
ejjamael 5
******* awesome! I wanna kill some!!!!
Alwayspullout 7
Is your dad woody harrilson?
Binsy 8
Your dad sounds pretty rad.
ejjamael 5
I agree too
DocBastard 40
I knew this day would arrive. I've stockpiled weapons, ammunition, Doritos, and Mountain Dew in my bomb shelter. Anyone who isn't here in 5 minutes is being left out to fend for himself and be ******.
Pentium_4 27
then i'm coming to your place. not because it'd be safe but because you have Doritos and Mountain Dew
THE_A_TEEN 28
No thanks, I am trained in the art of Long ranged weaponry, suppressive fire with M240B's, and driving an M1A2 Abrams tanks. I also have Lay's, Dorito's, Cheetos, and Pringles, Coke, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, and a whole shit load of supplies. Don't listen to Doc, he is the one who will unleash the Zombies/virus to the world. Come with me, guys.
Pentium_4 27
okay A_TEEN, you have a valid point. we can combine supplies, and hopefully Doc will spare us because we have proper grammar and spelling.
DocBastard 40
You both shall die, traitors.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Said the traitor who admitted that he works for Umbrella Corp.
FaZeClan 3
Well, I have the pack-a-punched ray gun and thunder gun. I should be safe for the time being.
muFilter 19
Thanks, but I'm holding out for the *******. Ah yeah!
godorov 1
Lol u deserved it
THE_A_TEEN 28
You deserve to be eaten by zombies.
Wtfeezy 5
You got a cool ass dad
pagullarka 9
Alcohol is poison I hope people realize this soon!!!
Pentium_4 27
most amazing poison ever
berichsoon 11
If it was poison it won't be legal so I think you are wrong
Pentium_4 27
technically, it is poison. hence "alcohol poisoning" when you drink too much. your body has to alter itself to metabolize lots of alcohol and it just so happens to feel good.
pagullarka 9
If I'm wrong then why is it that every 30 seconds we lose a precious life due to alcohol, don't be stupid wake up and smell the coffee!
berichsoon 11
Umm I'm not a big fan of coffee thank you, but people die not because of alcohol but because of stupid people, alcohol is legal in many many countries but they don't have the high death ratio caused by drunk drivers like we do simply because they don't drink and drive. So don't be ignorant
crimsonprodigy 15
LOL 61, caffeine is also a drug that can cause death, don't be such a hypocrite.... But you can't be since you don't know what caffeine is in the first place, therefore I give you the title of "idiot"
pagullarka 9
I guess when y'all will get out of puberty you will understand alcohol kills not only behind the driver seat but in every shape and form you give me one benefit of alcohol l give you 20 ill effects, but I guess some people are too dumb to understand lol.
berichsoon 11
Bla bla bla, calling people dumb is not gonna get you anywhere. It's a personal choice if you don't wanna drink , that's good for you let everybody decide for themselves if it's a poison or not. Go be annoying somewhere else
XtraEzeee 8
Ok 93, alcohol helps the economy, makes people feel good, creates jobs for breweries, and makes for funny FMLs. You owe me 80 negative reasons. Go.
Genoc123 5
Hater!
ipwnallmen 10
This needs to be illustaterd anyone else thinking of Left 4 dead ---> you startled the witch!