Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML
Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and, instead of talking to him, I burped, and he just walked away. FML
Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for two years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML
Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
Today, I've been into this guy at work forever, and we've been flirting more and more lately. Today he came up behind me, but I didn't see him. He said "Hi!" and scared me so bad that I farted. FML
Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML
Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
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Top comments
daybid 7
Well that stinks!
anzie_fml 9
That's a very interesting way for him to be greeting you, especially if you're still just calling him your "crush"... O.o
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Comments (137)
teyyoshi 19
oh ...shit! i am eating...
BlindyMcGee 2
You're really failing with these 1st comments, just stop.
RaggleFrock 13
Leave him alone, he can comment whatever he likes. He will only get thumbed down anyways.
ICATiger 13
What does eating have to do with this FML??
Dracoboxer357 36
Teyyoshi's English isn't fantastic, but lots of people can't speak a second language at all. Sometimes the humour is lost in translation. :) I think he meant he was eating when he read this and laughed out his food or it came out his nose, something of that equivalent. That's what I got from that anyhow....
Michael_92 20
I'm eating too, what are you having? I am eating potato chips.
VoteForTaco 8
23- I'm also eating potato chips :D
desireev 18
19- I agree with you. From what I've gathered, he's learning a good part of his English on FML. People need to leave him alone. Keep it up teyyoshi! Your English is getting better by the day! ;)
julian93 6
Chick Above is hot
ladyLALAA 29
47- good thing too, with all these grammar Nazis! And guy above, creepy ha
shinshoku13 19
There is no chick above you...
iMuffinKat 16
OP, he's probably feeling more embarrassed and awkward than you. It's a natural thing to fart :3 don't worry about it.
daybid 7
Well that stinks!
XanderJayNix 17
I see what you did thar...
Pentium_4 27
you farting means you relieved tension, which means you liked it. he should realize that
girl112891 7
Why did he grab your ass is my question. He's a crush, not a boyfriend. Or maybe it's just me. I personally would stop liking someone for doing that to me. It's disrespectful.
illoveyouu435 0
34 - He may know that she likes him, and it was his way of saying "I like you too".
Jakesterk96 8
Or she has a nice ass?
downtime 13
34 Understandable, but plenty of people are fine with this behaviour between close friends. The OP never mentioned how close they were.
anahlicious 10
WIN!^^
Link5794 18
Maybe it was an accident.
jarrettd 27
No she grossed her crush out on purpose. Edit now i know what you meant my bad.
anzie_fml 9
That's a very interesting way for him to be greeting you, especially if you're still just calling him your "crush"... O.o
talensledge1 0
Orly?
Michael_92 20
Glad i'm not the only one that found the ass grabbing a little weird. Probably not the kinda guy you want to get involved with.
philitron128 0
I really hate that meme
iTrollCows 0
If he won't look you in the eye, wear sunglasses! Simple as that~
gunmania0 12
They're probably still burning, I wouldn't worry about it.
A100893 30
Aww, not even a sympathy fart to make you feel less embarrassed?
erfia 0
Only serious FML readers would fully understand this comment!
Capt_Awesome137 0
I get it! Very clever.
thatshot808 6
yea followed by a reassuring look lol
Silentstrike 11
Very good, i think that was the funniest comment i've read. Congrats mate,
kasparian 0
I get it.:) other FML references ftw!
fcukU30to1 2
Make sure you don't burp when he goes for a kiss...
thatshot808 6
or sneeze when he wants to rub noses
AboveTheRest 6
IF he ever goes for a kiss.
DoubleDerek 6
Aah! That's sucks! Did you ate onions?
Ninetales247 2
ehem, its pronunced, 'did you EAT onions?' genuis -__-
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Okay, 97. A) Genius*. B) That comment had nothing to do with pronunciation, they just used the wrong tense of the word. C) You forgot an apostrophe. Borrow it from the other comment's "that's". I don't mind when people correct others, it just drives me crazy when they do it wrong.
ICATiger 13
His a guy he think farts are funny. He will get over it.
ThatOneCanadian 0
sexist
ICATiger 13
How is it sexist if i'm a guy to??
KeyboardWarrior 10
Your ignorance drips off your comment in thick, syrupy drops. That's like saying black people can't be racist.
KeyboardWarrior 10
And for the record, it's too*.
EduJav321 24
Well, some guys would find that if someone farted on your hand its kinda nasty, just saying
nickkingcool 0
dont listen to them
GoW_Chick 15
Well aren't you just a little stinker, poor guy was just trying to go in for an innocent ass grab, and you gas him...Love is a battlefield.
anzie_fml 9
I tried to come up with a punnier and more-relevant-to-this-FML title for the song "Heartbreak Warfare", but it didn't work. But now that I've mentioned it, you can use your imagination.
VoteForTaco 8
22- Heartbreak Warfare... no, no, no..I think it has to be 'Modern Fartfare'
h8rs_get_at_me 4
22- fartbreak warfare?
moca5017 0
Haha
taazer 12
You fart when you get scared? Omfg thats so ******* hilarious hahhahaha
lilpowers 3
Hells ya!
smash8 4
Oompa oompa..
RedPillSucks 33
That's the "fight or flight" response. Farting helps with either one. Fighting: The fart disorients your opponent, allowing you to get in the first blow. Flight: The fart is like an octopus ink, and the jet helps you move faster in your escape.