Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML
Today, I blacked out at work, on my lunch break outside in the rain, and woke up on the ground wet a minute or two later to everyone freaking out, all because I chugged my drink too fast. FML
Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML
Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML
Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML
Today, and for the past week, I’ve had a viral bug. Now I can handle the vomiting, the diarrhoea, headaches, muscle weakness, dizziness, fatigue, and coughing. What I cannot handle is how food and drink now taste bad. Like seriously, even water tastes bad. I’m slowly going insane from lack of flavour. FML
Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML
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Top comments
staymintyfresh 13
Well I think you should eat food rather then starve to death, maybe your body will adjust eventually.
emba_fml 13
holy ****, more people recognize that as Kelly Clarkson lyrics than a Nietzsche quote now? kind of sad $:
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Comments (149)
staymintyfresh 13
Well I think you should eat food rather then starve to death, maybe your body will adjust eventually.
asoptavlo14 6
Depends on what he's eating..
Chixken 6
*she^
SkoomaKi 28
I'm sure OP's body will become used to the food. It's only a matter of time. In the meantime she has to puke and shit violently everywhere (not necessarily in that order).
snuffle 3
Yeah, you just got to hope that what doesn't kills you makes you stronger :/
z563 8
She should try familiar food first such as bacon and eggs etc before slowly adjusting to the African diet
therealslim 15
36- that type of food might not be available to her
victoriad0011 3
Correct. There bacon isn't our bacon. But she can get eggs good bread and tea for breakfast. And various stores sell American merchandise all I really ate was ramen noodles for awhile.
hecallsmedarlin 7
25- Isn't that some song lyric?
staymintyfresh 13
58- Well i think its a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche but also it's in a kanye west song.
ManInTheMachine 20
61- It also happens to be a Kelly Clarkson song, whose exact lyrics are: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..." Considering that song came out recently, I have a feeling that is most likely what they were quoting, if not Friedrich Nietzsche.
hecallsmedarlin 7
61- Kanye West huh? Hmm, I was thinking of a female artist. It was bugging me, so I looked it up... It is Kelly Clarkson, apparently.
staymintyfresh 13
62- Yeah, I assume people meant the song lyrics, but I thought people would like to know its original origin incase they didn't already. :) 63- yeah I forgot about Kelly Carlson, but it is also a kanye west song.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Oops...62 beat me to it.
staymintyfresh 13
*clarkson
Lo0o0o0oveMe 11
Just eat slowly and make sure you take smaller sips of water. (:
emba_fml 13
holy ****, more people recognize that as Kelly Clarkson lyrics than a Nietzsche quote now? kind of sad $:
KiddNYC1O 22
than*
mopar_chick 10
That quotes also in a Metallica song.
DKjazz 20
I don't care if it makes her stronger. I just hope it doesn't kill her! That's what I'm concerned about.
Silverangel007 3
There is NO such thing as an African diet. I'm South African and even within the country we have different dietetary preferences. We are one huge cultural group you know. We don't even recognise each other's languages.
ucoolgirl31 20
OP just be lucky you have available food... Doyou know how many Africans (especially eastern Africans) don't have food let alone water... Yeah fyl because you're sick but at least you have food and water. More like ftl...
thesubconscious 9
You don't say?!
dsbs 9
Should have brought your own food/water. Me and my coworkers have to do that when traveling to Japan.
zachh22 0
Hey
mikuxxhatsune 32
#132 But Japanese cuisine is delicious! I stayed there for a week and the food is great, it is very healthy and it is delicious. I feel sad you didn't like it :( because you missed out.
mccaincracker 6
Careful what you wish for? Sorry OP that can't be fun :/
ilovesuju 10
Op try eating less fruit and more grain.
d_unsub 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She also should be careful about the ***** she talks. I hate when people say and "now I'm in Africa" or "I'm going to Africa" as if Africa is a ******* country. OP If you are in Somalia, Uganda, Kenya or wherever the **** you are, then say it, cos i bet if you were shopping in Paris you would say "I'm shopping in Paris" and not "I'm shopping in Europe" so why generalize when it comes to Africa? Just to make it look like Africa is this ******* huge jungle where you cant even find something decent to eat.? Yes there are still many poor and undeveloped places in Africa but yeah there are also so many beautiful and developed cities; sorry if I'm being rush but I really hate when people talk about Africa as if there is hunger, aids, lions, and a "Kony" in every corner. WTF???
mvems 13
It's not exactly trivial I see his point. Considering sub-Saharan africa has the largest population of AIDs in the world, and when people speak of Africa it's generally of their struggles( i.e starvation, water santitaion, rape in the congo, etc) it always seems the focal points. I have two friends from South Africa and they enjoy a beautiful beach house, good food, and good friends. Africa is a beautiful place where majestic wild life and people thrive. He may have come on strong, and the FML in question isn't insulting whatsoever, but he has a point about people's views in general. And seeing as he's from Cape Town its not terriby shocking it irked him.
Silverangel007 3
My point exactly it's good to know that there's hope yet for future generations:-). Thanks. It works on our nerves when people decide to display their ignorance with such little shame.
ryry013 6
I can't really give OP advice here
cynthiaijk 8
I don't understand why anyone would thumb you down? #92
vickycat 5
Its about the same as people saying they're in America when actually there's no such place. There's United States of America or there's The Americas; its pretty cheeky to say "America" as though that's a place because it discounts everyone else in The Americas, like no one even counts except USA.
KJ21_fml 6
Dude that's sucks
EyeCeYu 7
Maybe thats why it's on the FML website?
boofgall 16
Its become that people say "that sucks" so much, that people say "there's a button for that" almost just as often.
Calyx_fml 22
And OP is not a dude.
DespairFaction 11
I call girls dude sometimes.
SkoomaKi 28
#77 - I always thought it was dudette.
cheetahbaby96 8
No, it blows
KiddNYC1O 22
Believe it or not, a lot of girls don't mind it. Especially if they're a friend. It's a form of endearment.
crazydudefrom90s 10
That sucks. Get some Medicine to take care of your weak digestive system!
Alexisthebestest 16
Crackers & ginger ale usually do well on a sick stomach. Milk products are a definite no!
PennyRAWR 5
sounds just like Adelaide! but seriously,, you should leave, hey.
_ebbonyy 11
I'm from Adelaide and can happily say that I don't have any of these issues :-)
CareFace 16
Adelaide has some of the nicest clearest water... And the food is really fresh... I went to Adelaide for 3 weeks for gluttony. I ate, drank, slept. Was amazing.
PennyRAWR 5
careface, in sorry to say but Adelaide has the worst water in this part of Australia. it literally makes me and everyone I know vomit, and feel more dirty after a shower than before. I'm pretty sure Melbourne water is the best in Aus though.
PennyRAWR 5
oh and ebbonyy, I have family up near Marion and Salisbury. they say the same thing, I think its just what the body is used to, a glass of boiled and filtered water made my mum sick for a week. I love Adelaide, I just couldn't stay longer than a week.
EllyBear__ 11
I moved to Adelaide 2 years ago and haven't really had water problems. I've drank it from the tap, but usually I drink filtered, like I did in Sydney & Melbourne.
instnt1nfction 17
The first time I came to Jordan, she was very pretty
olpally 33
Well, you asked for a traveling job... But Not the one you had hoped for... Lol... Good luck op *Africa by toto starts playing*
StanSmith_fml 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I've Never Understood Why People Type Like This.
olpally 33
Dude, it was only two words that I typed like that... calm your ****.
KiRaKaT 9
Leave it to Stan smith to point that out
EyeCeYu 7
Have you talked to any of the locals? I'm sure your not the only person who has had that issue. Maybe the local doctor knows a medicine you could take to stop your illness. Good luck with you job any ways!
soccergurrll 8
That sucks so bad. I am so sorry :(
Angel157 8
It think it was implied that it sucks. This is an FML blog....
soccergurrll 8
No... Really? Sorry for having a little compassion
Michael_92 20
You say you are sorry, but for what? Were you the one that poisoned her food!?
saksxalmo 20
"'I'm sorry' is the same as 'I apologize', except when you're at a funeral." :)
soccergurrll 8
When someone says something that you feel bad about, you usually say 'I'm sorry' that doesn't imply you did anything and you're apologizing for it, it's just showing compassion for that person.
saksxalmo 20
#111-- That's the point of the joke... In many cases in everyday life (bumping into someone, dropping something, etc.) they are used interchangeably. At a sad event, like a funeral, or an event where you otherwise definitely don't want to take the blame, as here, it would be totally inappropriate to say "I apologize" because it would imply that you murdered the person... I would apologize and say I'm sorry for explaining the joke, but you started it.
BitchPlease18 6
Awwwh... Sorry OP! What a disappointment that must be. Hopefully you'll get used to the new food so you can enjoy yourself. :)