Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML
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Top comments
Tommy_fml 0
That's one nasty way to get crabs.
thewelshmetal 0
maybe he likes fish sauce with his meat.
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Comments (41)
little_metalbear 0
it smells like fish down there
P374RD3D 9
You are #2 replying to #2 wtf
tsent8 15
Lol he got some of YOUR salty crab juice too
Vader33 0
I call BS. There's no way the crab juice wouldn't have dried off his hands. Unless you were eating crab and driving at the same time.
talloctopus 7
Why didn't he wash his hands??
aquaman95 7
if i paid for crab my gf better not complain about where my hands go or have been
brianna1494 27
If you pay for crabs she should just give her self up to you? Because you paid for food your "gf better not complain about where my hands go"? GET ******* CONSENT.
wpolo02 7
That's worse than sand in the crotch?
israelnotjacob 20
When sex gives you a burning sensation that's never a good sign. You just got crabs.
CharlieKav 4
Nb vb vbb434 (#>..
sartrow 8
pull the tampon outta your ass ( this means, lighten up)