Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my partner called me from urgent care because his jaw was hurting. Apparently he now has lockjaw from going down on me too much. FML
Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML
Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML
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Top comments
mibrahim01 0
It's better to give than to take
guitarplayer546 0
I am sorry op, you may have a retard of a boyfriend
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Comments (126)
mibrahim01 0
It's better to give than to take
gunmania0 12
1- is that what your dad told you?
SCREAM4meeee 0
Well did you give him an STD??
mibrahim01 0
10- Is that a cracked tooth in your profile picture?
Keyman1212 14
Actually, I prefer to take rather than give, gifts that is. I don't like them STI's. And yeah, they changed it from STD to STI, the I standing for infection.
Glidefedt 6
29, So aids is an infection now?
Feklfekl2222 32
32- Aids is a symptom of the HIV, so no it's not an infection.
thebadmanpuntedb 7
Herpes: the gift that never stops giving.
lemon_phat 11
29- not what they're teaching in health (as of this month)
daminantion 14
You know you're American when...
Laners561769 9
Herpes of the tooth, Look it up! LOL JK, Your boyfriends a moron.
DoubleDose 0
Tell him, you'll know it's an STD when your balls start swelling
FreshlyCut 0
You know you're a redneck when your gun rack has a gun rack on it.... : |
JeanVaJean 6
Same here! Though, I'd have liked it more if it was STiDiot .
JeanVaJean 6
^This comment was directed to 17
CanadianPuckHead 4
Ya a tooth STD... Ur BF is a ******* plug
rawrkittyrawr 6
53-You know you American when? When what? Don't leave us wondering !!!
nublets 12
78- you know your in america when people believe a swollen jaw is a symptom of an STD.
bizarre_ftw 22
Quite true but still highly discouraged
FreshlyCut 0
21, why ISN'T your picture of a cracked tooth.
theunknowned 1
how stupid is he?
onthetoilet 3
She should get her self tested and prove him wrong, other than that he might be right. But he should consider the cracked tooth a possibility
DrDilllonReese 12
She shouldn't have to. There's no need for her to have to prove herself to her boyfriend. Whats the magic word? Trust? I'll accept trust, but I was looking for nipples.
thatonename 7
I like the nipple joke but really now. Just because someone says they are clean, you're just going to to take their word for it? Significant other or not, it would be one of the few things you actually should have to prove.
DrDilllonReese 12
Very true. But there is a thing called a condom. Even though it's not 100% effective, it does a pretty good job
DerekBlaskie 6
Hmm.. When something as serious as stds I Would at least find comfort in knowing factually what's true.. But I also agree.. Without trust there is nothing but arguments and failure.
gunmania0 12
82 - condoms are effective but they reduce feeling by about...100%
Dispute 3
Well then...
markrs 0
Why I've never!
Notimetobleed 14
Get a rash somewhere random like you're arm, and yell at him about giving you a STD.
zojieeu 6
Haha I am sure you passed to him :D
fthislyfe 22
haha I'm sure you're dumb
KiddNYC1O 22
Haha god I'm hard.
phantom956 2
His dentist will set him straight
decidedlyvague 11
I'm sorry son, but your girlfriend gave you gingivitis. There's nothing we can do.
ScuseMePrincess 2
Aaaaand you're still with him why?
natashax21 5
Explain to him what STD stands for for starters
guitarplayer546 0
I am sorry op, you may have a retard of a boyfriend
rawrr61 4
It's nowt nwice to say wetarded
bizarre_ftw 22
Hey! That's insulting to retard people!!! (double meaning ^_^ I call win)
TalkinSmack 6
This is the first time I've heard of gonna-herpa-syphil-itis can cause swelling in the jaw!
stevenJB 25
Gonna-sypha-herpa-aids!! Is the correct saying:)
guitargoddess89 3
Actually it's herpa-gonna-syphil-aids.
decidedlyvague 11
Actually it Levio-sah, not levios-ah.
decidedlyvague 11
it's*
TalkinSmack 6
Lol I don't have it, so I don't know! Lol
BigGrouchy 0
Tell his dumbass goodbye
Sfmsk 16
Very clever... And then he's blaming you. Very clever and also very nice it seems...
ikickgingers 15
To summarize; you think he is very clever and "very" is the only adverb in your vocabulary. Check, got it.
Nutty4Muffs 3
ginger, idc if your comments have -thumbs, I love each and every one of them equally. :)
Sfmsk 16
Chill : ) I don't really get why you felt like giving me a reply like that, but as a matter of fact I do actually have lots of other adverbs in my vocabulary, so don't you worry about it too much, I've got everything under control myself. Thanks for your concern : )
bfsd42 20
She's Danish gingers. English is not her native language. Chill and stop failing at being a critic.
decidedlyvague 11
Your vocabulary is based primarily around adverbs? That's quite a conundrum now isn't it?
ikickgingers 15
So does this mean we can't have make up sex? :/