Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my partner called me from urgent care because his jaw was hurting. Apparently he now has lockjaw from going down on me too much. FML
Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML
Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML
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Top comments
mibrahim01 0
It's better to give than to take
guitarplayer546 0
I am sorry op, you may have a retard of a boyfriend
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Comments (126)
jsteury 0
Dumbass
cloudiarose 5
Worst boyfriend ever!!! why didn't you dump him???
raphanne_fml 33
Ok he's definitely not the best boyfriend but I think that the guy who used the same condom all over again to save money could pretend to the "worst boyfriend ever" award... :D
decidedlyvague 11
could pretend to the?
raphanne_fml 33
*hands #73 some magnifying glasses*
perdix 31
He's right, he got the swollen jaw from you making him eat your pussy too much. If you can't come in 30 minutes or less, give it up. That's the Domino's Rule of ***********. Either his technique is lacking or you are anorgasmic. Suck it up and move on!
ikickgingers 15
Just 30 minutes? I don't like this rule. :/
Daralea 21
If he cracked his tooth the same way, he's doing something wrong.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Or OP has a secret penis. Yes, I base life information on a tv show with a weed-smoking, talking dog. Blame the schools.
RedPillSucks 33
Damn, perdix. Which Domino's have you been ordering pizza from? Is there a Papa Johns rule for fellatio?
perdix 31
Re:#19 Note to self: Before date with Kicky, get dentist to give me cortisone shots in mandible. Bring a book to lay on her stomach.
perdix 31
RPS, fellatio follows the Subway Rule: Five Dollar Foot Long. For every bj, a guy with a 12-inch dick has to contribute $5 to her maxillofacial fund to cover the eventual damage. Smaller guys (most of us!) will pay a lesser pro-rated amount.
Princessx3Jamie 0
I like the OP's username lol =)
fmlsaves 0
Thx for pointing that out. It was more amusing than the fml
loserman67 36
And he believes in this because.... 1. You have had crabs before (and not the blue or soft shelled kind)? 2. You have vaginal warts the size of grapefruit? 3. The juice that constantly drips out of your coochie is swamp green in color? 4. It takes an entire tube of Zovirax cream to cover all your herpes sores? 5. He's just really ******* dumb? I'm betting on number 5, but hey......you never know!
raphanne_fml 33
The power of mental pictures....
lemon_phat 11
I hate reading longer comments, getting to the end... And realizing it sucked :(
melikeyturtles 3
He's even dumber if he thinks you gave him a STD and he's still with you. You should definitely leave him due to his stupidity on so many levels. In any case, I dont see this relationship lasting much longer. Sorry OP, but there are much smarter guys out there.
_Vamp_ 9
Yeah, the STD of stupidity passed down from his abusive father and alcoholic ***** of a mother.... wait wtf am I talking about lol
gymchic3 0
Okay then..... I would slap the living crap out of him(:
faith94m 5
you must have a low self-esteem if you haven't broken up with this fucktard yet.
lemon_phat 11
Maybe he's hot?
darthrawn 0
Get a smarter and more hygienic boyfriend.