Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML
Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML
Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML
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Top comments
IamHercules 24
Sorry OP, They both sound like immature asshats. You shouldn't be with someone that won't stick up for you.
MDoremis 38
You've picked a real winner.
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Comments (117)
rivriv 9
Another person named River, yay! I definitely understand the downsides to our name, never been pushed into a stream but I've certainly heard all the jokes! Sorry to hear your boyfriends mate is a tosser.
anonymous61324 13
That's a dick move from your boyfriend and his friend, but it did make me giggle
dcea 17
That's bullying
xenawpwa 4
I would say bye bye boyfriend and don't let the door hit us on the way out! Or just kick him to the curb, what an assmunch!!
JKPwnage 27
Hopefully you didn't have your phone in your pocket!
derimiah 1
Next time you see dog poop, push either your boyfriend into it and say you are reuniting him with his family.
dougschoonmaker 20
Ass hole much?
LosinIt2008 14
I would ditch your "boy friend" since that's not freaken cool at ALL that he high five his friend for doing that to you!
Mindersss 20
Why is this an FML, your name is River, that is amazing!
anyoldnamewilldo 23
I am not going to tell you to dump him, but I do suggest you really think about how he treats you and whether or not he supports you. I now have 20/20 vision when looking back on my marriage that lasted 19 years. I had a similar experience when we were still dating where he didn't have my back when his friend disrespected me. It was just a sign of things to come and many years of him not being there for me. You deserve more respect than that. On a side note, I love the name River and that guy wasn't funny nor even clever in his lame joke.