Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
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Top comments
dogpup4 23
This really doesn't seem as bad when you don't misread boyfriend as brother. Like I did.
ilovetylerseguin 0
he's a keeper
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Comments (219)
eilselivery 0
hahahaha! now i'm really glad i just so happened to watch all 3 LOTR movies this weekend.
superHydrate 4
p
emodude44 0
Sauron sounds like a dick.
ThecomingofTan 9
I would have gone with 'The Eye of Horus', but to each their own.
Mr_west27 7
Oh u dirty Brits.........
raygae00711 6
Haha that's funny OP, there are certainly worse things in life, and a lack of a sense of humor is one of them.
FlashBurn 13
Should have told him, "This is not the One Ring you're looking for." and beat him with a Star Wars reference!
gabbyknight1 0
Hahaha! That's hilarious
Rippin91 0
That is awful. How does that not disgust you on the daily?
Nashiq 8
We all just like to have a little fun.