Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he told me to put my legs around him, which I did. He then whispered sweetly in my ear, "You better hold on tight spider monkey." This is when I knew my Twilight obsession went too far. FML
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Top comments
that1guy1 13
And you should have said you see a tiny hobbit whenever you go down on him.
DocBastard 40
If he means that your ****** possesses him and makes him do its bidding, then he's absolutely correct.
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Comments (102)
zoPwNAgEzo 21
That's just ******* creepy
grahambertus 11
Tell him that his dick reminds you of Gimli's nose.
muzy 23
one does not simply walk into mordor!
br0ccoli 15
Not creepy. If he goes down on her and it's red and on fire, that's a concern and time to make a gyno visit.
FurryPride 9
Is it a glaring eye or a fully open one?
milliehanson 1
Hey your ****** sexy ha! Message me if yah want ;)
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Did he start saying this before or after you both watched the movie?
thatgirlinoregon 21
And, more importantly, did he make you wail like a ring-wraith?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm a huge LOTR fan, and the comments for this FML were amazing. I laughed my ass off.
mtrrace 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Those movies are to ******* long
laden_swallow09 35
That's why they are truly epic in the most literal sense of the word. Try reading for a change.
mtrrace 4
It's just an opinion.
rocketpopper1030 11
Those movies are ******* amazing**
mtrrace 4
They're good movies, but they're also really long. I probably should have said that originally
Zoh_Aubrey 8
Well, it was a huge book.
trahelion 0
Shut your ***** mouth, lotr is everything!!
ALlamaOnFire 20
Try reading the books, over a thousand pages of awesome:)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm sure I'm going to get thumbed down into oblivion for this, but truthfully, I've never watched LotR OR the HP series.
TBelle4Ever 15
The movie is the same amount of time that a Harry Potter movie uses, and just to let people know, I'm not hating Harry Potter or LOTR.
oh_merde 11
Uh no...? Lotr has longer movies
ScaughtieHolden 11
They're amazing, the graphics, the story, everything, but they are quite long. I saw all three in a row on television and it was over 7 hours.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I've got the extended editions because I'm a complete geek and I'm fairly sure they're over 12 hours long ;D
madskittlesftw 5
Can I borrow them? :D?
amber551133 5
Yes.
spazz666 18
The full extended trilogy is around 13 hours of epic battle scenes and suspense. (I watched them all when I was trapped in my room for a day because the floor outside my room was being painted) If you can't appreciate JRR Tolkien's genius, go back to spongebob. (Although... Spongebob does get pretty gory sometimes... I mean come ON. Do you know how hard it would be to dice yourself up with a jump-rope?!)
that1guy1 13
And you should have said you see a tiny hobbit whenever you go down on him.
krewer21 1
Touché!
Dr0reos 8
Or Gandalf the whites staff(a confidence booster is good every now and then)
DocBastard 40
If he means that your ****** possesses him and makes him do its bidding, then he's absolutely correct.
TriflingAllDay 6
But this eye is obviously evil.
thatgirlinoregon 21
At least he didn't compare her snatch to Shelob's Lair...
fishface517 10
If you don't pay your exorcist, you will be repossessed.
Ohreo 2
24 - Oh god... *shudders*
PooksMcGooks 0
Sooooo, you're a ginger?
ericathealien 7
I sees you my precioussss
SolanumX 6
Might wanna get that diagnosed. Sounds pretty serious.
borkchop1992 15
Both of those can be very scary to look at.
JustKittyKat 24
Oh... Oh dear lord. xD