Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML
Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML
Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML
Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
You better tread lightly, OP.
ohhhsnapple 14
Username win.
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Comments (66)
olpally 33
Yeah, okay. We got a badass bf over here... What an idiot thing to do.
Nyx_fml 23
I agree. I mean, making a big deal because the boyfriend just wants to eat? Very idiotic of OP.
olpally 33
I'm talking about the bf you fool. I got the joke. I'm a tard. I have a habit of "accidentally" sitting on cucumbers. I love Grammar Nazis.
Nyx_fml 23
You didn't get my joke, though!
olpally 33
Ahhh, the FML mods corrected my 2nd comment on this thread. thanks for making me look like more of an idiot, that was uncalled for.
olpally 33
And the FML mods won't let me re correct my comment and reword my original comments. Thanks guys. Love ya too.
alexsandria83 18
Hope you dump that douchebag
Accept 11
OP's boyfriend is awesome. You've clearly have no sense of humor.
Marcelb 17
You're going to be so happy when you're 80 years old and alone because you've dumped every guy who made a joke or just wanted to eat for a bit without being nagged.
Slawter16 24
He has a sense of humour, how is he a douchebag for getting to do ONE thing that OP didn't want to do?
Obey_StudBoii 23
Your boyfriend seems controlling. Not cool at all.
wonderbreadtee 5
Not controlling, just a hungry guy trying to be a badass.
stewpididiot 11
Run!!! Run, forestina !! Run !!!!
tomgun_fml 16
Oh no he didn't
OnlyTheDarkest 17
And then the boyfriend stubs his toe and falls to the ground screaming like a little girl. Pride goeth before a fall.
Ultimawolf25 19
So many people in here with no sense of humor...
worldclassrager 41
How did that go over?
Alihb 16
*Picks up salt grain* This, this is not meth
incoherentrmblr 22
Gator needs his gat, bitch! After getting fat...