Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says, "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML
Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML
Today, my boyfriend has never gotten along with my dad, but this afternoon during what I thought was a completely normal conversation, he just stood up, yelled he couldn’t take my dad anymore, punched him in the nose, dumped me, and drove away. FML
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
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Top comments
Quinn32 16
There are worse things in his lap he could have been stroking.
Eliseopwns 22
'Murica.
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Comments (146)
Quinn32 16
There are worse things in his lap he could have been stroking.
hilda_kitty 16
His elephant gun?
kamikrazy 6
No silly, his pistol.
capslockisgood 19
17 Pistol > shotgun?
perdix 31
A cat. A guy on a porch in his underwear stroking a cat is far creepier than a shotgun is intimidating. He'd look like a gay, redneck Dr. Evil.
DyslexicPanda 12
Neigh, an invisible cat. Then, not only is he a redneck evil villain, he's also psychotic. Unless he really did have a cat that was indeed invisible... then you'd just be back to evil redneck genius..
p36288 17
An elongatible short gun
journeytotheend 16
He was looking at cat photos
imvee5599 7
I'm so sorry OP that truly sucks
kishorekumar_a 10
When are you guys going to learn not to simply comment like that. Simply commenting "FYL", "that sucks"
Zomg_Okay 27
They aren't going too. For every person who realises how idiotic it is to put so much effort into getting the first comment, at least two more create an account.
kishorekumar_a 10
*Simply commenting "FYL", "that sucks" & "I'm Sorry" adds no value to the conversation / comment. For some reason my WP FML App posts limited text. Just realized that (happened to 2 other comments), Sorry. By the way, this comment is from my Laptop.
Eliseopwns 22
'Murica.
PizzaRollsss 5
More like "Texas"
IworkAt711 14
Texas is in 'murica.
j_cat187 20
*Breaks into Team America "**** Yea"*
cradle6 13
25-You've never been to Texas then.
TxCountryBeauty 10
52- what's so different about Tx than the rest of America? Sure we're a little sweeter down here, we say howdy, y'all and darlin', we drink sweet tea and still believe in hospitality... Southern hospitality, we protect our land and what's rightfully ours with guns, some of us listen to country, and if you drive through sometimes there's a whole lot of nothing... But if you haven't lived in Tx then you really have no idea. 3 of our major cities are in the top 5 biggest and fastest growing economies in the United States, so to me it's pretty good being a Texan.
IworkAt711 14
52- Read my info......
dalink 24
#25, is just one of the few TXans who doesn't live and die by the stereotypical "this here is tx and we are our own seceded country now get off my damn property you commie jap"
mahoney94 6
125- please don't insult us all just because you only ever hear of the dumb ones. Texas is the second biggest state in the country. They do not speak for all of us.
Loadtoad 4
I like your Dad. This is exactly what I will do when my daughter starts dating.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Exactly what I thought!
wlddog 14
D.A.D.D. Dads Against Daughters Dating. Their T-shirt says, " Kill the first boyfriend and word will spread."
pdp_fml 21
If anyone has a daughter, he should understand this father's feelings. He obviously loves his daughter and wants the best for her.
kishorekumar_a 10
65 - You don't find the best match for your daughter by scaring away all the potential ones. It only makes your daughter cross with you. And don't try saying that the truly brave will approach her after seeing you. I would not call that brave, but stupid.
desoto96 9
79 but what if op's boyfriend is a complete douche? Are the fathers actions so "stupid" if that is the case? I can't say I'd be in my boxers but I'll be cleaning my shotgun when a guy comes to pick up my daughter.
kishorekumar_a 10
102 - In that case, I think it's better to have a talk with your daughter before going for the intimidating father routine. Just my thought...
Quasar55_fml 18
Even if the bf is a douche, you just don't showw your guns to send a message ! that's ******* threatening for no reason. You americans are crazy to think it's acceptable
desoto96 9
I agree that a talk probably would have sufficed, but nothing says leave my daughter alone like a 12 guage.
desoto96 9
128 Hell yea we're crazy! The best kind crazy there is, and we were freed from tyranny because of it! Let us keep our guns , and you can keep your berets. :D
fury1031 10
Yes, word spreads to the local law enforcement and they put your psycho asses in jail where they belong.
boofgall 16
Ah, protective fathers.
KJ21_fml 6
Tell me about it
moonsalt 20
Haha. My dad is the same way. Good luck to you in the future!
ironichalibut 24
My dad would've done something much worse if my sister was dating, a knife or At least a bayonet would've been involved.
kishorekumar_a 10
I hope you won't be like that in future.
HeartOfLead 24
So you're the one who keeps bringing knives to gun fights?! Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, when will you ever learn?
krazykyra 12
Looks like your dad got what he wanted.
dr_snow_bear 29
That seems about right. Good on your dad for having the self control not to fire a warning shot.
SS99_fml 20
I wonder what he's gonna do at your marriage
j_cat187 20
Shotgun wedding.