Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a good time. Perfect. Afterwards, he stupidly tried to pull the condom off with way too much force. It burst everywhere, splattering our faces, the bed sheets, and even the wall. Absolute disaster. We just stared at each other and laughed. Never again. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML
Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family, "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML
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Top comments
tsim14 4
I have some wierd feeling that that would work and no ones ever tried it before. Then again, I never passed the 10th grade so what would I know?
illmatic2 16
Common sense isn't a requirement for graduating high school.
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Comments (151)
ciumegu 6
Your boyfriends a dumbass
Zedd_fml 8
OP, this won't be as bad of a FML, if you end up having kids with him, that will.
shellz102 12
It's actually not a bad idea, no one has ever tried it before so it might work. I don't know, it's a possibility.
RadikulRam 16
"no one has ever tried it before" Normally when a moron says this, I encourage them, but encouraging you in this case, may lead to more of you. It WILL NOT work, unless she can shove a tampon that far up, and it is not guaranteed to soak up every last sperm cell regardless. By the way, Semen and Sperm are different.
winfieldALJD 6
*insert You Don't Say meme here*
mashimarox 12
Either he is a dumbass or he was just joking.. i really hope he was joking LOOL
Hiphuray4peas 27
Seriously?!? Clearly you don't know, because NO that would not work. You might as well be recommending douching with cola. Which, might I add since you might now know, also does not work.
philbelfrage 13
No need for condoms anymore guys! Just make sure to have that extra tampon in your wallet!
jer_36 10
The average man releases 100 million sperm when he ejaculates. It only takes one to fertilize the egg. So don't be stupid.
tsent8 15
84 I feel bad enough doing the walk of shame to the counter to buy condoms I don't even want to think about trying it with tampons
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
It might somewhat reduce the pregnancy risk. If a low sperm count can render it impossible, then thinning them out should cut down on the risk.
Awes0meperson 10
91, it takes more than 1 sperm cell to fertilize an egg…
deltoramastr 12
#102 actually #100 is correct as the wall protecting the egg has to be broken by other sperm cells. While it may take just 1 to actually fertilize the egg it takes many to break down the protective barrier for that one to do its job
verkaderk 9
Walk of shame? You're embarrassed to have sex?
dirk_digler 1
1- There is a dumbass in your picture.
tsim14 4
I have some wierd feeling that that would work and no ones ever tried it before. Then again, I never passed the 10th grade so what would I know?
happle 21
It would be cool if it did work, but it wouldn't. v.v
onlychildFTW 34
I have a feeling a tampon would absorb some of his stuff from in her. But it definitely wouldn't get it all.
sniken 14
Skip the tampon, get the vacuum cleaner, stick it in, open your mouth and press play! 100% failsafe!
silverhelms 5
Pullin it out helps too just FYI
TheMathMajor 26
I feel like the tampon would just push the sperm up to her cervix and make it easier for them to get to an egg.
octopussperm125 18
Would it work to use a turkey baster or the big poultry syringe things w/o the needle on it to suck it out?
Zerizle 19
Not only that it wouldn't work, it would really hurt to put a tampon in when you're not on your period...
kittykat1501 31
Actually, the liquid would help it go in, like period blood does
kgurlswag 9
Lets hope your future children don't inherit his brains...
lonely_heart_89 6
IF they do have children, that is... Lol
4ugu4 7
18- which they WILL have children
Harpy20 24
Well hopefully she doesn't give this idiot another chance to procreate.
illmatic2 16
Common sense isn't a requirement for graduating high school.
Zebediabolical 45
... or college
spaboolly 26
Or for reproduction.
Muffinzz11 7
Common sense was all I needed to pass high school no studying required
rawrriri 8
69, well who's a special.. Human?:) you are.
Clioo_fml 17
69- People with your immature arrogance really bother me.
Pwib 14
Technically speaking, pregnancy prevention isn't actually common sense, whereas getting out of the way of an oncoming truck is.
nogood9 4
36- If you lack the common sense to attend classes then you would most likely fsil in college. So, yes, you do need common sense to graduate college.
nogood9 4
*fail- sorry about that.
DARKDAY07 16
109 thats not arrogance he just said he used common sense and passed highschool
micheledella 1
Pretty smart actually
shyeahh_fml 19
That's what I was thinking. I don't think it's a bad idea...
Chelsea_bella 20
If that worked, i wouldn't have two of my three kids
twinkiefeets 17
19--you have actually tried this?
NagainaFier 16
52) it's called a joke.
tsent8 15
66 we can only hope. We can also hope that her kids don't fml and know her user name.
mario2012 18
Quick, someone help me find an MIB agent so they can send me to a planet with intelligent on it.
flockz 20
i hate it when i wake up in the morning and can't find my intelligent.
mario2012 18
I see the seriously grammatical flaw that broke my joke. I feel like an idiot and deserved to be buried. Thanks for pointing it out Flockz.
crackz12 10
I believe you mean the serious grammatical flaw.
natromy 5
I think you mean deserve to be buried.
rosesdarkblue 0
This was funnier than the FML lol
Osito2011 9
You should take a morning after pill, then wait a few weeks and tell him your pregnant to see his reaction. Also op, your boyfriend knew it broke from the beginning that it broke. You can feel the difference when it brakes and sometimes hear it brake.
UsernameHere234 13
The condom doesn't always break as you enter. It can also break when you cum.
Misaki18 17
I'm not sure what happens when a condoms brakes but I know what happens when a condoms BREAKS.
tehcyberman 9
26- Since you're determined to be a grammar nazi, "When a condom breaks", not "When a condoms break".
cgchamp89 7
31, you mean breaks, not break.
tehcyberman 9
33- That's true, I suppose we are all raving hypocrites.
pink_raindrops 26
Yes #7, trick him into thinking you're pregnant just to judge his reaction, what a terrific idea. What would that even accomplish? If a woman ever does this to a man, I hope the guy would leave her right away for being crazy and manipulative.
CharresBarkrey 16
48 - I had a friend do this to her boyfriend to keep him from leaving her. He left her and tried to check her into a mental institution.
poopshreds 10
It seems like there's just so much "intelligent" on fml...
philbelfrage 13
I knew a girl who's boyfriend was moving away, and she tried telling him she was pregnant. He quit talking to her, and then she asked him to get her pregnant. He ended up moving ahead of schedule. Then again this was in 8th grade so this doesn't really hold any relevance to this FML.
danigarcia31802 3
*break
Stupend0us 7
Perhaps you should increase your standards for those you make your bf.
cr3ativity 15
That's his Plan A? What about Plan B? (Morning after pill)
bestnameright 14
Teach him the truth and CONDOM it from ever happening again! (I know condemn is spelled differently) The way he said that is hilarious by the way.
Zomg_Okay 27
First rule of punning: Never point out that you're punning. EDIT: Beaten to it.
bestnameright 14
Thanks for the tip lol