Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML
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Top comments
beezerbnt00 4
Pretty sure that's illegal....
Rodders_SOTC 1
It will only get worse, get rid.
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Comments (187)
masterofdouchery 1
Youre ******* your pet toad Jesus??
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You might want to start planning your exit strategy.
crice2608 3
time for a new boyfriend
pinklady1170 1
Get out now while you still can. I promise it will only get worse. I just got out of a 9 year relationship where he thought I was sleeping with everyone at work who's name I mentioned and it only got worse from there.
zandalee 20
Well done for getting out.
leahouwinga 5
And you're still dating this guy? If you can't go 15 minutes without talking, there is something wrong.
kenzalyn11 1
That's how my ex is!
shakespearelove 6
You should definitely break up with him, sorry OP, but it's the truth. If it was a little bit of jealousy, then there's nothing to worry about, that's actually healthy in a relationship, because it shows the person cares and doesn't want to lose their partner. But this has taken jealousy to new heights. Being accused of cheating because your answer was delayed is just plain paranoia, and add that in with the accusations of you having sex with your pet toad, that just makes psychotic, paranoid, obsessive boyfriend. which leads to.. Not Good.
TcheQ 12
Don't put up with this kind of shabby treatment. He doesn't deserve to be called your boyfriend if he won't trust you. There are plenty of guys who are stable in the head. Flush this one.
hclagopus 7
Run, girl, run! He will not get any better, only worse.
Grimnirwher9 21
You may want to consider dumping this guy like the @$$hole he is. Jealousy doesn't make a suitable substrate for a healthy relationship.