Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML
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Top comments
beezerbnt00 4
Pretty sure that's illegal....
Rodders_SOTC 1
It will only get worse, get rid.
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Comments (187)
DylansMomma 9
Your comment : Run OP!
Lo_Lo_827 2
Guilty dog barks first. You should probably be questioning his faithfulness. /:
hadrian2012 2
Curious, is your last name by any chance longbottom
CrazyV 22
I think someone should create a dating site so overly attached girlfriends can meet overly attached boyfriends and save people from dealing with a can of crazy
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I hope that by your username, you've dumped the asshole. I had a control freak boyfriend like that and I'm finally free of him. I'm much happier and successful in life and I guarantee you will be as well. Also, those who accuse are usually the ones with a secret to hide. If he's accusing you of cheating, he's probably the one doing it. Get out now if you haven't already.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I hope that by your username, you've dumped the asshole. I had a control freak boyfriend like that and I'm finally free of him. I'm much happier and successful in life and I guarantee you will be as well. Also, those who accuse are usually the ones with a secret to hide. If he's accusing you of cheating, he's probably the one doing it. Get out now if you haven't already.
arnepalmer11 1
He makes a whole new meaning for paranoid..
easterwood702 0
I'd **** my pet toad to get revenge. A horny toad ;)
DaSandman 9
dumb his paranoid a$$
xXCherrryBombXx 6
did you know that if your significant other accuses you of cheating, without having evidence, there's a 90% chance they're cheating on you?