Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML
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Top comments
beezerbnt00 4
Pretty sure that's illegal....
Rodders_SOTC 1
It will only get worse, get rid.
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Comments (187)
SpideyRules 9
I'm pretty sure he meant YOUR ******* pet frog, not YOU'RE ******* pet frog.
Levvy 22
Your clever use of grammar has put my day off to a good start. Thank you.
midcoder007 0
u need to get out ASAP any educated woman would not stay in this kind of a relationship !
rinkagamine_fml 9
Dump his controlling ass, and quickly. He doesn't deserve to be in a relationship if he can't respect it. (Also, a lot of guys who constantly accuse you of cheating are actually cheating themselves. It's a method of distracting you and making themselves feel better.)
midcoder007 0
to
JWill0329 1
I think that maybe he is projecting and maybe he is the one that has cheated.
graphicstyle7 17
That's really... wrong. Very controlling and a BIG RED FLAG to get out of that relationship.
SataN201 0
he's obviously stupid. call me!
Speedylunar 19
Get out of there while you still can. This is not something that will just blow over with the years. His insecurity and distrust will continue to throw a shadow over your relationship, which can only end in tears.
chey296927413 3
Yeah, I'd say it's time to get a new boyfriend. (FYI, stuff like that is how abuse starts.)
noisebox 1
Alot of trust in that relationship..time to split before you get murdered....,