Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, all because I don't text her throughout the day. Last week she told me she would get fired if she was caught reading texts at work, and to stop texting her during her work hours. FML
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Top comments
beezerbnt00 4
Pretty sure that's illegal....
Rodders_SOTC 1
It will only get worse, get rid.
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Comments (187)
Hellbound_Alleee 14
You have to get rid of this ass. You don't want to be with someone this possessive. This is a big, red, flag that says "abusive boyfriend." In fact, that's already emotionally abusive.
ajeppsen 25
I'm sorry but how would you **** your pet toad? How is that physically possible.
kitsune3 20
...You do realize that was a JOKE, right? She was making fun of her boyfriend.
Clarese 0
He's probably cheating on you. Just sayin.
aaronlopez20 4
well a lot of girls these days cheat
msrabbit625 4
Its time to end that. If he doesnt trust u he never will. U suppose to start off with trust not earn it eventually. And if u lose it u will never get it back. Time to move on.
copydude 7
Wow, this guy is really bad for you... if he is that insecure then he has real problems.. best bet is dump him now and run.. or as was said in another post he is cheating on you and projecting.. still run.. run .. run
sophieydg 1
Sounds like my ex. Dump him now.
invisibleman8472 17
The toad's name is Jesus?
kitsune3 20
...She was saying "Jesus" for emphasis, to express her exasperation. Someone please shoot me so I don't have to put up with clueless people anymore.
meeowmixx 1
Dump his ass
SoultheWolf 19
Your boyfriend is a self consious moron. You need to dump his ass imediately. He'll only get worse, until he tries to control every movement you do. You deserve better then someone who believes that you are a cheating ****. He has no respect or trust in you, and that is not a healthy relationship.