Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
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Top comments
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
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Comments (193)
crackh3ad 2
p.s I'm just laughing at the awkwardness of that situation !!
DrewFluIngle 10
Burn in hell please... Thanks.
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
14-p.s I'm just laughing at the stupidity of your commment.
cosmosis 12
14- you really are a crackhead... Shut the hell up man. When talking about stupidity, people in glass houses should not throw stones champ!
walmartpaysme 15
58, they said awkwardness not stupidity. However, 14 I don't think this is one of those times that OP will ever learn to laugh at. It really wasn't funny. OP knows that and so should you.
Kn0wledge123 21
How the hell can you NOT know that?...
stormchaser24 24
Positive is yes he has it, negative means no. For most results that is what you want.
gardenwhipped3 14
Okay boys and girls... repeat after me..... "Is that good or bad?" No one can fault you for asking what that means. If you don't ask and you say congrats, then you deserve the initial fallout for giving feedback based on something you don't understand.
AholeCop 11
This happened to Kevin on the office. "My results are negative!" "Im so sorry to hear that."
perdix 31
And George Costanza on "Seinfeld."
Blueglasscup 18
This has got to be the dumbest OP ever.
DocBastard 40
I think everyone needs to calm down. OP wasn't trying to be mean here. He just sounds terribly naive. If you've never been exposed to cancer before, you'd have no way of knowing about this. Usually negative is a bad thing, so it's a fairly logical assumption. Am I sure he didn't mean anything negative? Yes. In fact, I'm positive.
Dracoboxer357 36
21- Agreed, Op sounds uninformed, not deliberately malicious. He misunderstood the meaning, but meant well. I'm quite sure Op had someone correct him pretty quickly, and probably already feels like an ass. :p
SinghIt 1
Sorry but I totally disagree. If any person thinks about it even just for a second longer before replying they could put 2 and 2 together and realise that's not a good thing. If you don't think before replying you would only hear the words positive results and then reply with 'that's great news!'
DocBastard 40
Singhit - Sorry, but I respectfully disagree with every word you said. If you went to a job interview and told someone the news was positive, that's a good thing, right? If you had a review of your performance and were told it was a positive review, that's a good thing, right? Of course right. It's only in medicine where a "positive" result can be bad. Maybe YOU should have thought about that before replying.
SinghIt 1
Exactly everyone does know what the word positive means and you don't have to be in the medical field to understand that positive test results for cancer are bad. You just need to think about it first. So yes I did think before writing my reply :)
kamikrazy 6
Couldn't you just think about it like cancer positive and cancer negative? Positive means yes negative means no.
sereyna 1
Give this guy a break; words can get lost in translation
Shrike 24
SinghIT: So you're saying OP was being malicious, the boss reacted accordingly, so the OP came here really guilty that his boss called him on being a dick? No. Actual situation: the OP's really naive like Doc says and spoke before thinking. No dick move here.
tisvana20 6
Singhlt. English might not be the OP's first language. That could be a source of confusion, which is reasonable for getting positive as "good thing" confused with positive meaning "you've got " If you tried to speak another language, you'd probably come upon quite a few of those misunderstandings. I know that I do.
walmartpaysme 15
If the boss said, " My cancer results came back positive." I could see very clearly how OP could have gotten confused. Also, if OP had worked a long day at work or been unusually tired for any reason, it could have been an easily confusing statement. We are human and we make mistakes. It happens. No one is perfect.
Sheh_fml 25
Yeah, it might be common knowledge, but common knowledge will never truly be common. Perhaps OP have just lived a healthy and lucky life and never stumbled upon the phrase before. "Positive resoults" do, after all, sound like it would be something positive.
Kallian_fml 21
I wanted to thumb this comment up, but "Positive resoults" just put me off...
StanSmith2013 26
Just explain to your boss that you thought that his positive was a good thing. It isn't like you meant to sound like an evil careless dictator, we all make mistakes in life especially when people confide in us about such sensitive issues. People need to stop calling you names and be supportive towards you as 1/3 in us will be affected by Cancer one way or another in our lifetime.
outoftown 27
#23, You may be right. Now we know breaking our bad news may get unexpected reactions.
DrippingSarcasm 20
FYL! Negative is a bad thing (as Doc said) as well as if you've never known anyone with cancer. If you don't know the difference, I don't blame you.