Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Health tip
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Polite but wrong
Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
Sir Alan Sugar has spoken
Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML
Unmatch
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Keep some things to yourself
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Nosferatu
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
Top comments
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
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Comments (193)
BabySparkle1 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hope he fired your ass! You're such a dick!
anonymissx 5
Sure it wasn't the most pleasant misunderstanding but is that really a reason to send him into unemployment?
nictransitglory 4
Honestly I can understand this mistake. Positive can also mean good, not just that you have it. He probably thought he meant that his cancer tests were good, not that he was diagnosed. You should get fired for wishing bad things on others for simple misunderstandings.
outoftown 27
Why should the boss have to deal with replacing well-meaning (if dim) OP when he's facing surgery, radiation, and/or chemo?
xoconnie 8
YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT!!!! Seriously.... you big dumb jerk. you better apologize asap you big sack or lard.
ebonyirony 29
132- thread jacker
musicluvr2000 11
132- out of complete curiosity, are you one of those people who pronounce ASAP as a word?
ktlnnmllr 4
It's not ops fault calm the f*ck down
ILUVMSC 5
For real!
amandajlucas2015 2
Are u a moron
luminos77 3
OP is a dumbass though whom lacks intelligence.
echoes185 9
You're the one who's being a dick so calm down
larouche362 10
#1 Your such a bitch. Haven't you learned that people make mistakes, sometimes little,and sometimes some big mistakes. Were all human.
LoveGuru69 0
.
LoveGuru69 0
just be nice to him from now on and maybe youll be able to take his spot when he croaks
PinkieKeen 20
Okay I'm sorry but when I saw this FML, I swear, a few of my brain cells died. I didn't know somebody could be this stupid, but I understand why OP thought it was a good thing. Kind of.
writerchic85 26
Wow if everyone who accidentally put their foot in their mouth got fired over it no one would have a job
DKING123456789 16
You are so right!
TheCrazyEye 6
Go play in traffic
GuessWhatKids 13
Holy shit, it's a misunderstanding you barbaric imbecile. Similar to how you don't understand that it's not okay to tell someone to get hit by a car because they were trying to be pleasant but messed it up. FYL, OP, and FYBossesL
biggestfan23 11
#55 if OP is old enough to have a job then he should know the difference between positive and negative in the medical field. That's plain embarrassing
DrDilllonReese 12
If your pregnancy test comes out positive, you're having a baby. That's a good thing and a reason to celebrate. See how the word positive can be misleading?
starflyer59 17
I think we can all agree that cancer is a bad thing. However, I was on everyone else's side until I read some of the comments. I was like "how could someone think this was a good thing?" Now I see how this could come across as a mistake. I will also be adding this to my book of "Educational Experiences on FML" ;)
calvo_07 13
Damn straight
Dracoboxer357 36
63- Except that where a positive pregnancy test means you're having a baby, wouldn't that logic carry over to a positive cancer test meaning you're having cancer? :p Positive doesn't always mean Good over Bad really. It more often than not means Yes over No, unfortunately. :(
seanc722 2
yar durp. "I had a positive day" vs "Oh god my HIV test came back positive"
outoftown 27
(redundant comment removed)
DrDilllonReese 12
85- I do know that positive or negative means yes or no. Testing for steroids, pregnancy, drugs, etc. however, this isn't a matter of yes or no, it's a matter of interpreting the connotation carried by the word.
downtime 13
63, That logic doesn't even make sense. It's positive, therefore it exists. How can you even begin to try supporting this behaviour?
llama612 27
But the test was still positive as in yes you are having a baby so with that same logic you just used then when OPs boss said my cancer results came back positive then the logical assumption then is to think that means they came back saying yes he does have cancer.
PhishloverA 14
#2 it was an honest misunderstanding. OP thought his boss meant positive as in no cancer. Think a little. Nice to know what dickheads you all are bashing OP though
slurshies 11
positive can be good or bad depending on your situation. for example, it's not always a good or happy thing that you're having a baby because maybe the soon-to-be-mom is only 15. or as said earlier, it can be good. it just depends on your situation.
forever_born 6
Hey 55 positive can mean both good and bad in the medical field maybe you should know the difference before you open you mouth asshole.
forever_born 6
I meant 57 not you 55 sorry.
PipingMouse 14
Pregnancy tests coming back positive isn't always a good thing.
walmartpaysme 15
I don't think I've ever seen so much repetition in one thread before. My head hurts now.
sacmaster 11
I agree 233
humorizer 14
So are you positive or negative about your headache?
EvilPotato 15
Pay more attention during conversations. If you think this is bad, your wrong this could have been way worse.
0RedPenguin0 8
How?
Klefhomacked 11
You're *
EvilPotato 15
26 for example OP's boss-My wife and mom just died today. OP- cool, how are you going to celebrate!!
insertnameherr 11
boss: I have cancer OP: congrats! that's kind of the same amount of inappropriate as many things. a devastating tragedy and OP relying "YAAAAAY"
subiedude08 17
Cancer is pretty serious I had to watch my grandfather suffer 6 months Was not fun and he was in ALOT of pain so I'm gonna put cancer as worse than death
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
TheDrudgeChild 4
English may not be OP's first language.
LittleGreenPaola 23
40, English is not the only language where (medically) positive and negative have that meaning.
Ciraxas 7
He had a misunderstanding of what the word meant, one explanation is that it's not his first language, you're assuming he has a full understanding of the language and just misunderstood the uses.
misspulkadot24 17
OP's name is Michael Scott.
LoveGuru69 0
if you have a small penis
maronofhearts 19
Because I'm positive for cancer is so confusing
randombaxer1 11
Yeah, but OP would have sufficient English to hold a job, so why can't he/she understand what being positive to cancer means? I'm under 18 and I know what it means, even with English being my second language.
anythingmustbe 18
No shit dude.
icychill10_fml 6
Took the letters right off of my keyboard
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
cgchamp89 7
I feel like you adding the "now", makes it sound like he has cancer because of something she did... But I agree, FHL.
DontThumbMeDown 8
The OP is a male.
wildsweetchild 19
Well now you know...it's a fairly common mistake with non-native speakers...sorry OP, hopefully you explained yourself and boss understood your mistake.
Birdjr1995 5
What makes you think he's a non-native speaker?
wildsweetchild 19
I don't know if he is.. but I am..and in non-native speakers circle it's fairly common.
Judahsh 8
Putty cat!
zingline89 18
I couldn't bring myself to make any punny comments on this one. Unfortunately, I bet everyone on here knows someone who has been lost to cancer. It's no laughing matter and your boss is in all of our thoughts and prayers.
Iknowsomestuff 9
I second this.
PipingMouse 14
I'm not going to say I third this (probably because of the threat of downvotes), but I will pray for OP's boss.
crackh3ad 2
hahaha how come you don't know that !?
starflyer59 17
I imagined the Y U NO meme with your comment.
htownpostman 16
How can you equate 'positive cancer results' as something good? He said the cancer is positive, not the news about his cancer... Try paying attention instead if just trying to kiss ass
hoofprints 10
Don't be an ass. Positive means good.
outoftown 27
#36, Sure. Example: OP: "Am I fired because I'm an idiot?" Boss: "I'm posititve you are."
outoftown 27
#123, I'm thumbing myself down because I remembered a similar confusion. In accounting class, I took forever to get that a debit is good and a credit is bad. (Good thing I'm not an accountant.)
snapdragon1100 7
Most definitely not the same thing as cancer idiot