Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (193)
irishpotatoes 5
That's like the episode of the office where Kevin got test results back and the were negative and Michael was really upset
oniyuri 4
It's fairly obvious that the OP didn't know because they are a nonnative speaker or even just hadn't been around cancer...he probably thought that Positive meant no cancer because that's a good thing...positive and negatives are one of the most confusing aspect of our language and I'm sure everyone has heard a joke about a similar misunderstanding before
buckdharma 38
it looks like a top position will be opening up soon and since the majority of bosses are the least qualified i nominate you.
AtomicRebirth 11
Wow, how stupid can you be?
dman1497 0
Kill it! Kill it before it lays eggs!
Calebin0 2
Your a ******* idiot.
gfblum 3
It's "you're", just by the way
monkiki62 5
Duh you knob. Negative means the virus isnt there positive means it is there.
l0v3p4in 7
OP: "Hey, Boss! How's it going?" Boss: "Today, I got my cancer test results back. It's positive." OP: "Awesome, Boss! Congrats! So, how are you going to celebrate the good news?" Boss: "It's not positive as in 'I'm happy.' It's positive as in 'I have cancer." OP: "Oh......."
MuseFan1991 14
thanks for that, there was no way we could have worked out that conversation by ourselves
griffy14 9
Oh the glory of the English language.
onlychildFTW 34
That really sucks OP. But misunderstandings happen and now you've learned in medicine positive = bad Negative = good You want to your cancer results to be negative, meaning you don't have it.