Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
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Top comments
seximexi911 10
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!! Hahaha I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense op. :)
theunwiseone 4
Well that's a shitty situ........ No??? Oh ok then. If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the "overused pun corner"
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Comments (108)
stevenmx86 8
Ydi were you that distracted you couldn't glance? What if she had chopped a finger off or something?
Llama_Face89 34
Dude...pretty sure if her finger had been chopped off she wouldn't be calmly saying "boo boo". She'd be screaming in pain/terror.
vivaladino 7
I hate people like you, making mountains out of molehills for no reason
Ciiigarettes 0
because if her finger was chopped off I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be calm about it. if you chopped off your finger would you be all "boo-boo" or flipping the **** out. I'm guessing the second one.
bnancrazy55 0
awww your such a good dad, put the bird poo sucks
Kesha_Mei_Ash 0
Way to exaggerate, 25. I'm sure she would have been screaming and crying in pain. Not to mention blood everywhere.
ole_sidai 4
Boy, just when you think you've fulfilled your fatherly duties...BAM! Bird shit.
Heeeerroin 5
Why on her hand? I will never know
VoteForTaco 8
Normally you shouldn't take crap from people :D
Kesha_Mei_Ash 0
Kind of curious how bird shit got on her hand inside of a mall????
pigscats 0
maybe it was an outdoor mallll :P
phantuhm 7
We have an indoor mall but birds get in when the automatic doors open, I have seen others with the same thing. I don't think it's that unusual, the ones at our mall fly around the ceiling and it's actually kind of a cool touch to the place
OfficeNinja 5
Have fun with your upcoming bacterial infection. Don't venture too far away from a toilet.
DocBastard 40
All you idiots saying "maybe you should pay more attention" clearly don't have little kids. Children that age talk incessantly, and as parents we just don't have time to hang on their every word.
murdersquirrel 15
They also exaggerate...my boyfriend's son used to cry and freak out if his hands got dirty.
sleepRX 16
56: Maybe your boyfriend's son was over exaggerating to get attention. The attention he got before you came into the picture.
vbmg152 19
Maybe I'm an oddball but, I've always listened to every word my 4 kids said! even the incessant chatter! They're grown now but, they'll tell you, I listened to every word & still do! It's not that hard and they're only children for a minute, then they're 32,30,22 & 19!
thewifey310 7
Dirty mouth?? Clean it with orbit