Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
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Top comments
seximexi911 10
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!! Hahaha I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense op. :)
theunwiseone 4
Well that's a shitty situ........ No??? Oh ok then. If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the "overused pun corner"
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Comments (108)
BeefyQueef 5
this reminds me of step brothers lol
vieeev 4
Hilarious, guess you got what you deserved for not paying attention to your child haha.
cosmosis 12
Oh FFS, Really? Your the one not paying attention . Re-read it and all previous comments darl. In a NOISEY shopping centre bird poo sounds like boo boo!
hateevryone 15
ewwwww you should pay more attention.
FYLDeep 26
At least she didn't say "man goo".
theunwiseone 4
I hope she doesn't know what "man goo" is :-/
ayooBrandon 12
How can you not see the poo in her hand ydi
Brice28_fml 10
Op said "not paying enough attention". I think it's self explanatory from there.
cosmosis 12
Self explanatory for most. But theres still plenty of retards out there
Wolvy_fml 3
Well at least you tried it with an open mind. Now you know you truly don't like it.
marzipanimal 15
That's just disgusting.
gungun235 3
Ewwwww lol
ErinBeam 1
Pay more attention to your kids maybe?
The_Weirdo 10
'Sigh'
ScarletBloom 14
Your mouth was full of shit.