Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
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Top comments
seximexi911 10
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!! Hahaha I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense op. :)
theunwiseone 4
Well that's a shitty situ........ No??? Oh ok then. If anyone needs me I'll be sitting in the "overused pun corner"
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Comments (108)
castlebabii 6
I guess you missed the part where he said he wasn't paying attention and juss kissed it.. I'm pretty sure if he cared if she was hurt he wouldnt have kissed bird shit
iwishicould 7
I'm pretty sure if it had been bad enough she was crying he would have looked, you obviously aren't around children much, if they hurt themselves even a little they let you know.
SHELBEYISAWESOME 0
Lol that's hilarious
dopefreshh19 3
Lmaoo you deserve it for not paying attention !
firefly_102 0
Awww... Well at least OP was trying to make his kid feel better!
toxicthree 2
That's actually really funny.
ncisfan14 0
How did she get poo on her hand in the mall?
unlucky_lucy 17
Someone's an unlucky Lucy
fantasyworld 39
Gross.