Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my father was cussing loudly because he lost at a Clash Royale game. He then blamed it on me for not sending him cards, and threatened to delete me from all his social media accounts. Dad, I love you, but you're downright insane. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
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Top comments
miketopgunmike1 25
your dad is awesome....
MsConfusedd 27
Fhl seriously, everyone knows Slytherin is where all the dark wizards come from!
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Comments (109)
miketopgunmike1 25
your dad is awesome....
AnOriginalName 19
He was placed in Slytherin, which has turned out more Dark wizards than any other house. I wouldn't say that's too awesome.
RoboCunnilingus 23
If it makes your dad feel better, HE has the final say in where he goes. Harry was assigned to Slytherin too. Although, I didn't know Hogwarts had a G.E.D. program.
missrebecca3 8
he wasn't assigned to the Slytherin , the sorting hat said he good do great things in slytherin but that isn't where he was "assigned" . he was assigned to Gryffindor
hallix 21
I assumed I would be assigned to Slytherin and was placed in Ravenclaw. How the tides have turned!
RoboCunnilingus 23
#50 semantics
slooby_fml 25
I thought I was a slytherin and the pottermore test with all the questions put me in gryffindor
Clioo_fml 17
#20, Merlin was supposedly in Slytherin. MERLIN. He was like the Dumbledore of 'back then'.
MsConfusedd 27
Fhl seriously, everyone knows Slytherin is where all the dark wizards come from!
Kefka91 15
We're not all evil! All dark wizards being Slytherin doesn't mean all Slytherin are dark wizards. We're just too good at what we do, so some like to "show off".
Carmstro 13
Just my nerdy two-cents, OP's dad shouldn't be that upset. Slytherins are known to be cunning, so his ego shouldn't have been hurt. Not to mention Hermione ended up in Gryffindor!
iPeterPan 8
Peter Pettigrew didn't get that memo.
Vegetarian27 24
Snape was the bravest man Harry ever knew. They're not all bad :)
DoctorsDaughter 11
You're just jealous. Slytherins are the best, after all.
Zoey_M_fml 24
I'm slytherin.... Not all slytherins are bad! Like snape! .... Oh the feels T-T
Padreschargers7 14
How dare these Muggles insult the noble house of Salazar Slytherin?!
cheekyterier 13
Slytherins have Draco Malfoy. I would be okay being in Slytherin
lyncecelia 13
Also, when Harry first heard that, his Godfather was thought to be a Mass murderer....who was in Gryffindor! Always bothered me.
Binglebeee 16
I'm sorry OP, but I really don't think a 'smart' person should get wound up over such trivial things.
miketopgunmike1 25
sorting is anything but trivial!
Binglebeee 16
But if he feels that's where he belongs, then surely he wouldn't need an online test to tell him. Besides, as fun as it is to believe sometimes it is purely fantasy
knoxxx 22
How insensitive! Your Hogwarts house defines the environment of your wizarding education, of course he's upset about getting into Slytherin when he feels like a Ravenclaw. Did you know that being sorted into the wrong house is the cause of depression in over 60% of cases occurring at Hogwarts?
SammyS2012 21
12- it's probably pottermore, which was created by JK Rowling. I was upset when i was placed in Hufflepuff :/ im still getting used to the thought that maybe i do belong there
Carmstro 13
56, don't get confused with Hufflepuff's rep, and what it really means to be a hufflepuff! There's nothing wrong with being loyal, kind, patient, accepting, and hard working. In fact, of all the houses traits I'm pretty sure the one's I listed are the most important to living a happy life. I think JK Rowling's daughter even said that we should all strive to be Hufflepuffs. Imagine a world like that! :)
rvnclwprfct731 13
54. You shut your filthy muggle mouth. The sorting hat does not make that many mistakes.
SammyS2012 21
#64, Yeah, that's why I'm trying hard to enjoy the house. It really is a good house when you look at the traits. It's just a stigma that the series created. No one important came out of Hufflepuff. Cedric was the most notable, and he... well... we all know what happened to him :/ But my sister is a proud Hufflepuff; always was. I'm starting to see that maybe it isn't so bad.
Whimsikott 3
Oh God, please tell me he isn't Team Edward too....
bandeek 30
How does wanting to be in Ravenclaw possibly make him team Edward?
DKjazz 20
All teen-oriented series are not created equally, friend.
rvnclwprfct731 13
If anything, getting into Hufflepuff might explain team Edward since the Rob Pattinson played both him and Cedric Diggory.
ms_YoungMula 8
You shall not associate twilight with harrypotter related FMLs
UnluckyGenius 21
I see no problem being in the house Snape came from.
ottokat 15
Yeah! And besides, it's not the traits you possess, but the traits you believe in that matters. Otherwise why would the Sorting Hat take your opinion into account? So clearly since the traits he values are pessimism and anger at stupid things, Slytherin is kind of the right house. Sorry pops.
ayamekiba 13
Remind him that Merlin was a Slytherin
MsConfusedd 27
Wow you don't know anything about Harry Potter, do you? Abracadabra and Merlin stand no chance against Avada Cadavra and Severus Snape!
carina_47 16
10 Points for Gryffindor
jackien1 6
Not ten points to Slytherin?
xZoeAmethystx 12
Actually according to Pottermore they're right, Merlin was in Slytherin.
ayamekiba 13
According to Rowling she sorted Merlin into Slytherin its in the pottermore Slytherin welcome letter And I would like to point out that i have read all of the books seen all the movies and know all the extra info from pottermore
pug0027 7
At least he's not in hufflepuff
freckleface221 19
Be nice! We happen to be exceptionally good finders!
jewelia13 12
Eh, honey badger don't give a sh*t. ;)
hawkislayer 2
28 oh that's nasty... Greatest video
iPeterPan 8
What the hell is a Hufflepuff?
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
I'd be miffed too! Slytherin is full of bratty rich kids. Who do they think they are, with their state of the art broom sticks? It's the way you rid it that counts.
Kefka91 15
Don't worry, It's okay to be jealous of Slytherin. I mean, how couldn't you be jealous of the house that is clearly superior to the others. It's only natural.
c_hutty 6
You should taunt him by making snake sounds
RoboCunnilingus 23
What if op's dad speaks parseltongue?
jackien1 6
Then he probably should have had an inkling of which house he might have ended up in.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Harry didn't.
bandeek 30
He almost did.
RoboCunnilingus 23
No, he didn't.
MrsDruidess 23
not smart enough to trick an online test ;-)
SammyS2012 21
It's really hard to trick the pottermore test (im assuming thats where he took the test). some questions make no sense with the houses