Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my father was cussing loudly because he lost at a Clash Royale game. He then blamed it on me for not sending him cards, and threatened to delete me from all his social media accounts. Dad, I love you, but you're downright insane. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
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Top comments
miketopgunmike1 25
your dad is awesome....
MsConfusedd 27
Fhl seriously, everyone knows Slytherin is where all the dark wizards come from!
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Comments (109)
ananas99_fml 10
HARRY POTTER RULES MUGGLES!
LilChasie 2
Best dad ever
at0micmin3r 23
Sounds like pops needs to get out more!
RKD 23
Your Dad rocks! Slytherin is the best, everyone knows! LOL, I thought I would get the same but got in Slytherin, thank God, Slytherin is the house I hoped to get but never dared to hope to get in, any house woulda been great EXCEPT Gryffindor!
Bludmagnus 13
That is because many "smart" people have very low standards of ethics, the bad rap that Slytherin gets. Other than that, your dad is a dope.
SingingFarmGirl 14
Old has nothing to do with it... you are just depressingly out of the loop. I pity you for not knowing the wonderful global phenomenon of Harry Potter.
silentxninja 13
That's super awesome that your dad is a fan of Harry Potter! I totally wish I had more friends who were interested in Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling is seriously a literary genius.
TheDoctorBadWolf 5
Every house can have smart wizards. It just depends on what trait of yours you put first. Take hermione for example. I'm a Slytherin, and I'm the nerdiest science geek you'll ever meet
annoyedperson 25
what's slythrine and ravenclaw