Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my father was cussing loudly because he lost at a Clash Royale game. He then blamed it on me for not sending him cards, and threatened to delete me from all his social media accounts. Dad, I love you, but you're downright insane. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
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Top comments
miketopgunmike1 25
your dad is awesome....
MsConfusedd 27
Fhl seriously, everyone knows Slytherin is where all the dark wizards come from!
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Comments (109)
littlebiggs23 11
I would say if he's that stuck up about his so-called intelligence, he probably should be in slytherin.
xoalyssa 8
your dad is the bomb.
skyeyez9 25
Slytherin is where the shady folks go. Ravenclaw, the intellectuals. Gryffindor is the risk takers and brave ones, So, what are the traits in Hufflepuff??
demiurgent 10
The question is... how many of the greatest of wizards began on their path to power with the phrase "sorted into Slytherin? How dare they?" The answer is three, if you were wondering. Three. But your Dad may make it four. So, y'know. Watch your back.
neppy 6
I've taken dozens of those tests and I've been sorted into every single Hogwarts house (yeah, I get bored sometimes). If it makes your dad feel better, Slytherin's not supposed to be an "evil" house, even if many of the villains in the Harry Potter books were Slytherins. Slytherins are supposed to be clever, resourceful, cunning and ambitious - all traits that could be used for good instead of evil. But the Slytherin house in the books also stood for "pure blood" lineage, something that doesn't cross over to real life (i.e. all of us Muggles!). So it's just the ambitious, clever side of it that would apply to anybody taking a decent sorting hat test. Meanwhile Ravenclaws are all about creativity, intelligence and knowledge. Slytherins like to USE their knowledge for their own goals, Ravenclaws simply like to know things, or invent things, or be creative. ...Yeah, I'm a bit of a HP nerd. I got put in Slytherin on Pottermore but according to all the tests I've taken I could be any house, they all stand for pretty basic traits (bravery, fairness, intelligence, ambition, etc) so we all represent every house in actuality and have traits from all of them since we're balanced human beings. Ahaha at your dad though, that is pretty funny!
nunnsii92 9
Best. Dad. Ever
godhelpusall111 12
I'm in ravenclaw. Nyah-Nyah!!!
CarelessCaitlinX 7
I'm Slytherin, so I'm awesome and badass 8D But I'm also a Gryffindor... what does that make me? A Slytherdor?
Locoluis 15
Look at it this way. While the main three are all Gryffindor, they all could be also associated with the other three houses: Ron could also be a Hufflepuff. Hermione could also be a Ravenclaw. Harry could also be a Slytherin, just like you.
monster216 7
I cant stop laughing
butman 9
Slytherin is the best house. Everyone knows that's where they put the best wizards and witches