Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML
Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML
Today, my father was cussing loudly because he lost at a Clash Royale game. He then blamed it on me for not sending him cards, and threatened to delete me from all his social media accounts. Dad, I love you, but you're downright insane. FML
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML
Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML
Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML
Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
miketopgunmike1 25
your dad is awesome....
MsConfusedd 27
Fhl seriously, everyone knows Slytherin is where all the dark wizards come from!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
Krystal3408 32
Epic just epic
raytyler26 16
What the **** kind if test is that??
Carmstro 13
Probably the Pottermore sorting hat quiz.
inolongercare 19
Pottermore- check it out
dawood_k 27
WTF is wrong with people. Taking this shit so seriously. Oh no, the ring is talking to me again...I need to find some short hobbit friends and travel to modor. **** that...ring can you talk in a sexy voice.'!!! Oh yes OP tell your dad next blue moon the smurfs will be here
Ashamed_Sister 60
How it is possible that a 50-year-old man who should be grown up already takes this nonsense serious like a 10-year old boy? It’s a modern fairy tale and fairy tales are for children! If OP’s dad gets upset by such meaningless test results he’s anything else than smart.
RoboCunnilingus 23
AVADA KEDAVRA!
Ashamed_Sister 60
I guess the Harry Potter fans are going to bury my comment. By the way, I had to google it to find out that OP made a Harry Potter reference and I don't feel sorry for this.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Why didn't my curse work?!
littlebiggs23 11
Sorry you have no sense of fun and/or the ability to read. Also, dissing Harry potter doesn't make you 'hip' or 'cool'. It makes you look like an idiot to all the people who know its a beautiful, complicated story about doing what's right in the face of danger and animosity, and far more than a 'children's story'.
RoboCunnilingus 23
#77 personally, I find it to be the greatest love story ever told. Snape's feelings for Lily broke my heart in half.
mandapanda394 10
Harry Potter isn't just for children. It is a beautiful story about fighting for what you believe in and for the future of the world. It teaches friendship and love. It saved my life, I started reading them when I was seriously depressed and it gave me something to live for. I really hope one day i can meet Jo Rowling and thank her.
Axel5238 29
I find it slightly disturbing your dad is that into harry potter. It's cool your dad is into I'm guessing some of the same stuff you are? Though comes a point where you let stuff go. Harry Potter was a great book series for kids. It wasn't the next lord of the rings of course, but it did it's job for the kids growing up in the late 90's and 2000's.
m3lyc 18
Harry Potter isn't just for kids. Alot of people, myself included grew up with the franchise and now I'll always love it. I was in my late teens when the franchise ended, I'm 25 now. Ironically I put the books on my Kindle last week and am currently in the process of re-reading them all. Currently on Order of the Phoenix.
SammyS2012 21
The books ended when i was like 13 and the movies finished when i was 17. im 19 and still love harry potter. my 46 year old mother loves the series to. so does my 21 year old brother, my 23 year old sister, my 20 year old boyfriend, and my 10 year old cousin. there is no age that you need to stop loving what you used to love. im still in love and obsessed with harry potter and disney. growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
nunnsii92 9
How dare you sir!!! Harry Potter is amazing, ESPECIALLY for adults!! My grandma actually loved the books
jewelia13 12
I'm a Hufflepuff! I thought for ages I was a Ravenclaw, but after I had a hatstall between Slytherin and Hufflepuff, I accidentally put myself down as a 'Puff. After doing some research into house psychology, I have discovered that Hufflepuff really isn't all that bad. ^_^
soullyfe 33
Well, with that foul mood, he might as well be in Slytherin. I'm sure him and Draco will make the best of friends...
150493x 29
I hope he doesn't turn out to be a Deatheater in disguise
Rodville 28
I'm Griffendor :)
andromeda335 9
At least he's not a filthy hufflepuff
bandeek 30
Excuse me?
LissaMccracken 23
I wouldn't call them filthy... They aren't. I just wouldn't wanna be in Hufflepuff either. Gryffindor all da way fo me
Neesalun 20
Funny as this is, it's pretty cool he likes the movies/books! How many parents are like this? Not enough.