Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
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Top comments
715chiefs 15
He started out in your balls, he was just trying to find a way back in.
henney2464 6
Haha, he probably feels so special
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Comments (104)
chidexy 21
Hahahahahahahaha ok so I needed that laugh.....how's your balls tho
boshbish 14
Even I put my knees up to my chest when i see my two infant brothers running at me, even if it is just to run over and give me a hug. And I'm a girl. You should always anticipate with little ones OP. Theyre clumsy as ****. FYL pain wise but YDI for being a father so long and didn't see it coming
SmilerVamp 6
Sooo....he should've seen it coming? How exactly? As the FML states, he was woken up by his son. I don't know about you, but when i sleep, i usually have my eyes closed. Just saying.
RileyPokepuff 7
I should do that to my boyfriend... ;) He never gets up on time... -_-
Pauschinator 22
Or you could have just told him what happened.
JD1147 27
How did you explain your newly-found high pitched voice?
craanberry_fml 7
aww you're a great dad!
phantom55_fml 7
kids.... not their fault
ladybugz23 13
its not his fault kids don't know better. just ice it and hope he didn't kill his little future brothers or sisters
XxXBadAshXxX 27
That's some good daddying right there. Kind of awful that he brought tears to your eyes by kneeing your junk though
jeragonm 15
Best Parenting: The Fathers award goes to you!