Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
Alexa, play "You made me realise" by My Bloody Valentine
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML
Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML
Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML
Thanks for the input
Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML
Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML
Top comments
PandaSmile 24
Oh the irony. Does he also think girls can't pee with a tampon in and that they don't fart either?
Nathion 12
So get a book and educate him
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Comments (92)
Kurisuten 13
Sounds a lot like most guys I know...
howard007 18
Most guys you know think girls don't poop?
hernanjaimes_ 22
You must know some shitty guys...
americanafrican 32
wait...pretty girls poop!? life has changed for the worse
tomvertigo 17
You know an awful lot of idiots, then.
Nathion 12
So get a book and educate him
Bibliovore 26
And Google up a copy for him of the poem "The Lady's Dressing Room", by Johnathan Swift (author of "A Modest Proposal"). It's about a dandy of his times being horrified to discover all the backdrop paraphernalia and processes a lady of the times goes through before appearing in public. The finding of the chamber pot leads to the classic lines, "Disgusted Strephon stole away Repeating in his amorous fits, Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia *****!"
miss_me08 9
educate him with percussive maintenance and hope something gets through his thick skull
Mauskau 36
That's even more amusing because my mum's name is Celia ;3
MegaExplosives 17
then slap him with that book for disrespecting you
PandaSmile 24
Oh the irony. Does he also think girls can't pee with a tampon in and that they don't fart either?
khorstmye 15
Wait, you can pee with a tampon in?
PandaSmile 24
Different holes man
SuperCasual 13
Do girls pee with tampons in? I feel like that would be kind of strange.
UH60 26
Oh my god. There are three holes, and peeing with a tampon in does not hinder anything except maybe on the occasion you get the string wet. Which does suck.
askullnamedbilly 33
This is definitely going to be a whole lot of TMI but it's actually more difficult to shit with a tampon in because a lot of women have diarrhea during their periods and getting shit on the string is a lot worse than pee. Periods, what a beautiful wonder of nature.
Ali_Br_fml 33
You could always hold the string while you urinate/defecate. I haven't seen one that wasn't long enough to do so yet. Just remember to do so every time and you won't have it on the string.
KillerCheez 2
3 holes? News to me. Thank you sex ed for teaching me about crabs instead of useful stuff :')
yerawizardlizzy 27
Hold it????? No way. I'd rather pee on the string or take it out before pooping than risk getting anything on my hands. Tampons are expensive but I'm not THAT worried about it.
khorstmye 15
My life has been a lie
NotRussian 16
Well, technically the same hole, just different tubes in said hole.
MegasaurusRex89 28
No, not different tubes in the same hole, that's a penis. There's a vaginal opening, and just outside of that is the urethral opening. Two separate pieces of anatomy.
Scorpio01 16
Can U tell the hole story again?
kendalbear 16
Luna cup would solve that for most.
KryssLB 14
Guys have three holes; so do girls. Everyone has assholes; they're the same for both genders. Guys have two holes in the end of their dicks: One for procreation (the hole the sperm comes out of) and the urethra for pee. You can see them if you gently pull the slit at the end of your dick apart; if you have a foreskin you'll have to pull it back a bit. Girls also have a hole for procreation (the ******; tampons go in here to soak up the blood when her uterus lining sheds once a month), and a urethra, which is hard to see but is a hole just a little below the ********. Like guys, pee comes out of here. The layout's a bit different between the genders but the plumbing's basically the same as the basic needs are the same for both sexes: Poop, pee, and reproduction.
Dick_diamond 22
Colons and penises.. So easily confused. He's an idiot
anonymuse_fml 31
He could also be thinking of the prostate.
clairelaliberte 16
Get someone else's opinion. It's a win-win: you’ll either prove him wrong or weed out the idiots.
ShowMeKay 20
Why get anyone's opinion? OP could just google it, show his idiot brother, and that'd be the end of that.
Bragi 12
Is he confusing it with prostate, or still thinks girls don't poop?
MedChew 19
I'm guessing he came to this conclusion because supposingly he also believes girls never fart?
LostInTheZone11 29
Well the medical field just got crossed off his brother's list of potential career paths.
zyx123abc 4
Colon is a large intestine. Women have those. Women can get colon cancer.
Mynamewontfi 40
When he gets a girlfriend, he is in for a big surprise.