Anonymous
United States
Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
grapes
Westfield, United States
Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML
StockedWithJuice
Austin, United States
Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML
parentfail
United Kingdom
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
Anonymous
Start 'em young
Today, my 3 year-old toddler wanted to try my wine. I kept telling her it’s adult juice and she wouldn’t like it. When she kept bugging me about it I gave in, and gave her a tiny sip. She liked it, and continued to bug me about it even more. FML
Anonymous
She's not wrong
Today, I reprimanded my daughter for eating too many chips, since it's not good for you. She responded with, "Know what else isn't good for you? Two cigarettes a day." I couldn't even come up with a retort. I can't believe I just got burned by a ten-year-old. FML
muskogee
Prince Charming
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
eenkoekje
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
madeleine
Gummy
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Anonymous
Akron, United States
Are you winning?
Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML
jj.
United States
Best teeth in the game
Today, as always, my mom loudly asked me if I'd brushed my teeth, then replied to my yes with, “I don’t believe you.” All because I forgot to brush my teeth once when I was 5. I’m 17 now. FML
Top comments
hannahtaskey 9
Kids learn from their parents you know...
pwincessa23 1
you should have told him to swallow it! if he chocked than you can tell him "and that is why you don't swallow grapes"
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Comments (307)
myflowers 0
We no longer operate on survival of the fittest
josh28 4
so did you know the answer?
kurtap 0
your a horrible parent and person
ugh_a_lug 7
So tired of the FML's ending in, "I raised this dumbass." Or "I can't believe this dumbass is my friend." Or "I went out with this dumbass." Or "I can't believe this dumbass is my boss." Or any variation of the OP calling somebody involved in their life a dumbass (or any synonym with dumbass). Please people! Originality! Plus, that phrase to conclude your FML moment really isn't as funny and clever as you think it is because everybody uses it and half the time it's your own fault for not just telling the dumbass the answer or telling them long before he or she even asked the question
hwp123 0
That's homeschooled right there
ajbaby311 5
that's mean :(
fashionbug9880 22
And the best parent of the year award goes to!..... *drum-roll*....... not you. You're not making the situation any better by calling your daughter a dumbass. I feel sorry for her that she doesn't have a parent that supports her. You shouldn't be a parent if you call your own child rude things. Shame on you.
bevp14 0
wow plain pathetic lol whos the dumbass now shame on u dont curse ur kid what kind of parent r u nd fyi he/she was probably screwing with u
TeeKid 1
Wow, the love parents have for their kids these days is just the best! Geez SERIOUSLY! Who sits here and says stuff like this about THEIR OWN kids? Pisses me off more because I just heard my dad some some stupid crap like this earlier just because he was upset about something at the time. Way to show how much you love the kid who CAME FROM YOU! >:(
bigassfish97 0
You sound like an ass