Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to discreetly smell a carton of milk to see if it had gone bad. I squeezed it a little too hard and it sprayed directly into my face. My roommate walked into the kitchen at that exact moment, then silently walked back out. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML
Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML
Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML
Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML
Today, a customer yelled and cursed at me, splashing spittle in my face, and to top it all off she wished “my mom would die in a fire.” All this because I accidentally spilled her milkshake all over her Louis Vuitton handbag. Apparently, it “costs more than my rent.” FML
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Top comments
NickyK 25
May the pasteurization be with you.
Omit 4
That happens a lot these days
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Comments (273)
NikoBellic 0
was she hot
facilitator 0
hot, im still trying to find a place that sells bagged milk
i0like0fudge 0
sad
genesisnirvana 11
That has to be the weirdest thing ever.FYL
AaronTkr 0
how does OP know how old the chick was?
NastyNinja31 0
she has mad cow disease
borntoperform 14
i would be honored
coepuffs 0
How did OP now how old the girl was?
AgeOfAquariusss 7
Could have been worse. You could have been walking TO work. D:
number0 8
A fourteen year old girl can just walk up to you and dump milk on your head? Either you're really short or you need Kung Fu lessons.
rallets 23
she shouldve moo-ved out the way
zekecastro 0
so lactose ppl are the atheist? lol
glenzhao2 16
Gotta love it when that happens.
imthatguythatdid 0
what.... The ****
OceanProtection 0
Hey 35... I need some milk for my next baptism. Gimme a hand? Or a boob... either will do
santarosakid 5
got milk?
kdawg360 0
You should have introduced her to your friend Chief Slapahoe.
picklemonger 13
You would've kung fu'ed a 14-yr-old???
GrooveSponge 0
Bitches ruin life.
Rowler 8
what a badass
sandi315 0
Kids these days
EpicRandomizer 1
So let me get this straight-- the person who poured milk on OP called herself a Cow Master? Either that girl is really good with cows or she just likes to torment strangers while stating the fact that she's fat. (I'm not talking about OP, btw, for all you confused people who tend to read things wrong -.-)
thingfish 0
Pee on her.
Futacy 30
look on the bright side, at least you didn't have an allergic reaction to it.
myalleyway 9
i just realized that all the people who commented above me, just commented to be near the top; they werent commenting on the comment
Futacy 30
^^^ including you.
softball_nerd_24 10
At least OP was was home from work and not to work. That would've been an awkward explanation....
Omit 4
That happens a lot these days
TheMasticater 9
those damn kids struck again...
SeedlessMe 13
Same here... Though Unitarian. May be the only one of those on here! (If you don't know, don't ask)
sxe_beast 11
misplaced comment
whatever222 3
#3- what happens a lot nowadays?? people getting baptized by cow masters?
flockz 20
yes then those people call me. i am the catcher of cow masters and the bait i catch them with is top notch. they call me the masterbator. google me bitch.
OceanProtection 0
it should be 'the masterbaiter' you tool
OceanProtection 0
it should be 'the masterbaiter' you tool
SirObvious 1
all praise the mighty cow master!
TheManliestMan 0
I know that girl! she's my best friend
EvilPotato 15
I think she likes you.
danielr1219 0
you are now cowithiest. congrats
CaramelRainbows 2
Cows will be forever grateful. You made a religion!
danielr1219 0
Do you want to join?
brad5150 4
dude, she was baptized, she's cowthalic
Altosax 4
I thought they already had Hinduism for that
mazesm 11
Can I join your religion!? :)
danielr1219 0
Sure! Meet me at Dairy Queen tomarrow at 10, and I'll baptise you.
NikoBellic 0
i was first!
bassoonist527 0
INCORRECT
danielr1219 0
no one gives a shit
eeppiicc 8
I wish I was baptized in milk instead of that water stuff it just doesn't taste the same!
Imgonnahaveabf 9
I wonder if I'm the only one on this site who hasn't been baptized..
Astroman129 7
No 43, I wasn't either. I'm Jewish.
sxe_beast 11
Neither was I. I was raised by atheists as an atheist.
skweez_fml 0
i wasnt baptized!
NickyK 25
Now I feel like this: Am I the only one here that's been baptized? lmao.
eeppiicc 8
why was all This put on my comment? it has nothing to so with what I said.
HappyCynic 0
88- Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
eeppiicc 8
umm did u notice we are both #88
eeppiicc 8
oops sorry iPod messed up and showed your number and mine ass 88
mahomie97 7
nahh I was baptized!!
OceanProtection 0
64 - Does smoking also cause ugly ass facial hair?! D:
FunnyGuy5051 7
I was and it was creepy cus the dude who did it me was a pedo, I think. at least I'm atheist now
raenoleah 12
iPods glitch EVERYTHING. O.o
sabresfano 1
"that water stuff" nice one. The pope just rolled over in his bed.
NickyK 25
May the pasteurization be with you.
xosportsgirl14x 8
And also with you.
HappyCynic 0
You look like Ash Ketchum, if only you were holding a pokeball...
howslife123 0
what about me ;,(
mazesm 11
He's cutee(;
iAintEvenMad 0
6- Caught 'em all yet, ash?
Vash_41288 10
does he get holy oreos as well if so sign me up lol
NickyK 25
Oh look I'm being hit on by a random person on the Internet! How flattering! Jk.
HeyImJuli 3
this comment made my day :) lol nice job
iAintEvenMad 0
179- Those would be called pedophiles, ash.
philitron128 0
You make me love the world and all it's inhabitants...
LezBiHonest 7
So clever I almost pissteurized myself...and then came up with this lame attempt at being clever...baha
mk58 31
Teenyboppers are going insane from listening to Justin Beiber and reading Twilight.
howslife123 0
we're *twitch* not as insane as you tink we are **twitch twitch**
getviolated 5
see it's funny because the twitching contradicts what she says. Oh sarcasm will kill me one day
sxe_beast 11
We hijacked your thread. Get with the program, sheesh,
HappyCynic 0
Lmao, by pointing out that contradiction you have rendered that sarcasm useless thus making it more hilarious because of your blatant suggestion. Oh you, how you kill me.
Suavis 4
psh twilight was soo last year. duh.
daydreamer244 13
this is very true :)
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Well, instead of a sparkly vegetarian fairy and a werewolf that rips off his shirt every scene, it's now a little boy(with inverted penis)/girl (that Michael Jackson* himself would enjoy) with no singing talent that makes girls horny. What is the world coming to? *Michael Jackson, R.I.P. good sir. No offense intended for putting you in the same sentence as Justin Bieber.
blackbird007 0
Are you lactose intolerant? cause that may be a problem
weeman21 0
lmao!
picupbart 0
you know what this reminded me of? "with RAC insurance, you're never without a car" otherwise, lol