Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do
FrozenMusic 26
Suicide isn't something to joke about
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Comments (185)
gintwinsmoore 20
your dad is a moron.
hazukilockheart 13
dad jokes have gone to a whole new level of bad
OhWhoCares 42
Wow, 465 FYL votes and 0 YDI votes. This has got to be a record. Anyway, OP that must've been really traumatizing and your dad sounds like an extremely toxic person.
kirbs19 37
Well it was nice while it lasted
foxwasalamb 24
you spoke too soon
thespiantess 18
I feel so bad that I accidentally clicked YDI, I hope most of the rest are accidental as well, I don't see how OP could deserve this at all. That prank was just cruel and very, very wrong.
addisonrose12 16
I am so sorry but I accidentally hit YDI! D: The buttons are too close together! I definitely think FYL!! On a side note, you're dad is WAY too competitive... :/
kittyfrozen 19
they should really make it so that we can revert our FYLs and YDIs!
netflixislove 32
I know I'm always clicking the wrong button on accident!
Mossygirl357 12
that's wrong and cruel of him to joke like that.
RobinGoodfellow 47
That's not remotely okay. As someone who has lost friends to suicide and contemplated it myself, many times, for years, I have to tell you that your dad is an asshole.
Wolfparable 22
Indeed that's not something you joke about it's very inconsiderate and cruel to take what is often a result of extreme depression and make mockery of it. It's a straight insult to anyone who has lost people to that or considered it themselves.
tacosandicecream 12
To the people who voted YDI, what kind of ppl are you?!?
rhcpgurl 18
The ones who can take a joke
tacosandicecream 12
Faking suicide isn't a "joke".
QueenOfSuppness 25
Death is never a joke
sassy2085 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your dad is the master of pranks
False_Stupidity 42
Master of arseholes more like it.
sempisaviour 17
That would have made me scream too
kirbs19 37
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What did your dad win?