Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rubberbullets 0
learn how to shit faster or hold it...
Judus_beej 0
who doesn't like to shave pussy?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (90)
iheartglasses 0
Kids can be incredibly creative.. If I want to spend any time on myself, I have to wait till my son is asleep. Unless its an emergency. Then I put him in his obviously child proof room with those door knob lock things lol AMAZING invention :)
arrow007archer 19
until the fire alarm goes off
itzdeity 0
I agree with 37. kids are always testing you! you can only trust them in a baby proof room!!
odexy 12
Why aren't more people wondering how on earth children got something to shave the cat with in the first place? I mean, it's not the easiest task to accomplish, even in 10 minutes. The cat would also probably scream like mad, considering they wouldn't be the most gentle.
alinefromme 0
I'm with you: the cat shaving story is a lie. The irresponsible childcare sounds true, though!
Sw33tFML 0
gotta love kids and their creativity lol
kristir9426 0
I hope you were honest with the mom about what happened... most moms understand that!
Mariah162 0
If you had to crap that long the parents might be more frustrated about the scent in the bathroom that traveled throughout the house.
alltimelowluv 0
if the kids are old enough to shave the cat, aren't they too old for a baby sitter? I'm 19 and I wouldn't know how to shave a cat.. Oh and OP YFDI for leaving kids unattended.
samiboy9 0
have you met stanly he's real nice
orangebunny 2
perhaps you should consider adding a little bran to your diet.
mtnairtom 0
you should learn how to wank it a little faster