Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML
Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, my child thinks it's hilarious to continuously pour his entire Lego collection all over the floor. When I tidy it away, he does it all over again. FML
Today, I broke my mug, windshield wiper, shower curtain, and foot, all in six hours. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML
Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
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Top comments
garf3265 12
have kids they said, it will be fun they said
cutycat136 28
When I read the part about covering the house with Cheerios, all I could picture was your kid going around the house literally placing the Cheerios one by one all around the house so they'd cover every spot he could get.
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Comments (122)
garf3265 12
have kids they said, it will be fun they said
shaaza 16
Depends on how we raise them they said.
chuka81 27
#20 Not really. Three year olds are always adorable little demons, no matter how you raise them.
Mauskau 36
I was terrible when I was 3 years old, in a year I managed to get lost in France, almost drown in a swimming pool, set my mum and dad's bedroom on fire, and terrify my mum daily by climbing up the lamp post outside my house to the top. In a day, I apparently mushed a banana into the carpet, hid a sandwich under my bed, pulled the curtain rail off the wall from climbing the curtains, pulled all of the tape out of every VHS and Cassette we had, along with a load of other stuff. At least I was destructive as a child and not now. The fire was made with a hairdryer and a pillow, in case you were wondering.
Ted_brosby 4
True. I have a 3 year old daughter. I use to think I wanted more kids but she has definitely changed that
mike3775 39
It is fun. Don't worry OP, when your son has a 3 yr old and his kid does something like this, you will laugh and say "now you know what we were like when you were 3".
AlchemistEd 12
haha who ever said it'd be fun? as someone who has friends with children (read friends no one sees unless they also have kids and want to ditch them for a few hours) and works where you get a lot of children through, fun isn't a word that's used a lot. OP deserved it, it's what happens when you have kids. and before all the flames, yes I'm sure there's upsides, but how many times have you heard/read things like "how to survive the school holidays" and its all stuff on how to get time to yourself and/or ditch the kids?
katachristic 19
34, you sound like a really fun person. XD
SystemofaBlink41 27
Am I the only one wondering even though you specified it was with a pillow and a dryer?
Mauskau 36
I was at the age where I could turn on taps and electronics but couldn't work out how to turn them back off. I tried to dry a boy that my mum childminded's hair and he grabbed a pillow, I couldn't turn off the hairdryer so dropped it on the pillow and hid in my bed in the adjacent room. This was 3 weeks before Christmas, and my nan ended up terrified of me and wouldn't let me go to her house for a while incase I set that on fire.
Girlshotdown1 21
when i was three i got ahold of the baby powder while my mom was making my bottle and got it all over the house and got ahold of my dads Ac/Dc cds and def leppard cds n threw all out the window. my mom was only like 10 ft away from me
JacobRSE 18
Seems like she'll be writing an FML one day. :P
pinkster2014 25
I'll probably get down-voted for this, but am I the only person who wasn't destructive and messy as a 3 year old? The only thing I ALMOST did was put a pair of scissors into an electrical socket...
Liyuesigs 8
Fast and furious!
cutycat136 28
When I read the part about covering the house with Cheerios, all I could picture was your kid going around the house literally placing the Cheerios one by one all around the house so they'd cover every spot he could get.
jtfrisch 22
Ha gay
Overlord247 20
How is that gay?! I wish people would stop using sexuality as an insult -.-
amadeclton 27
Reminds me of that scene in Monsters Inc.
Earths_Venus 25
Wait until he realises he can wear his undies on his head...
nataliewby 25
And wear bras on his face to pretend to be a fly!
poppunkette 22
Just smile and enjoy the ride op because the years fly by and soon he will be trashing the house with parties and borrowing your car! (Well so my friends with kids tell me!)
Mirorbo 27
Reason #21393865 why I will never have kids~ The stress of their ability to bend time and space for destruction would be the death of me~ Godspeed, OP.
spatula232 25
Gotta give it to him, that's quite an accomplishment
Mons_fml 27
Kid has energy!
bdsmslave 18
It's a bird... It's a plane... No, it's CHEERIOKID!!
wtffml1979 22
Nice timing. Not to worry though. They'll soon beat that time and add a few other destructive things in the mix lol. It's all things for the memories. Enjoy these times.
poppunkette 22
Wait till op hears those wonderful phrases "uh oh" "oops" combined with the almighty crash!