crazyvulva9216
United States
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
anditburnsburnsburns
Midlothian, United States
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML
WeldedShut
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
coloneltushfinger
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
On the runs
Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML
PaintedBum
Taint
Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML
ew
San Antonio, United States
Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML
nicki
United States
Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML
psychortiz
United States
Own it
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
ohshit
Canada
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
Top comments
rayray206 0
did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns
GlamorusKaos 1
Lmao .... thats funny as hell
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Comments (76)
GlamorusKaos 1
Lmao .... thats funny as hell
Tikal_fml 0
Haha, I'm so glad that sort of thing couldn't happen to me. ^^
MCart_fml 0
LMAO that sounds like something I might do if I had any reason to paint my nails.
Cyanide_fml 0
Im sorry bu that has to be the funniest thing i have ever read. =D
dcd237 0
lmaooooooooooooooooooo and wow your in complete denial #20
kikigonemad5786 0
probably the funniest thing ive heard in a while.
Bee123_fml 0
ur so stupid.
rayray206 0
did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns
pennylane69 0
i do this ALL THE TIME!!! hahahahahahaha
liamandme18 0
HAHAHAHA this made me laugh out loud. too bad i'm in the same room as my mom and she gave me a dirty look and i had to explain to her hat FML is. i'm sure that wasn't too comfortable. if you were bored before you started painting your nails, what did you do while you waited to wipe?!
alyssadapsycho 7
^ win