Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
Today, we had to turn the water off due to a massive leak in the kitchen sink that the plumber was currently fixing. I managed to wait two hours before my uncooperative digestive tract said it couldn't wait any longer and I had to take a mega dump in the bathroom. I couldn't flush the toilet or wash my hands. FML
Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML
Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly six minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML
Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
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Top comments
rubberbullets 0
learn how to shit faster or hold it...
Judus_beej 0
who doesn't like to shave pussy?
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Comments (90)
rubberbullets 0
learn how to shit faster or hold it...
authorkid 2
haha yup
slatter 1
18....... genius
MrSassypants 34
18 also the shit has to be brown too unless the cat is green. D:
explosiveskittle 0
omfg I literally cracked up.. 18 total win
CherryOnTop222 7
your display picture is disgusting...that man died for us all.
max_wilder 9
this is my comment
Zmeilerr 22
ignorance I love you
Cannavaro_fml 0
That's nice :>
PointAndLaugh 0
Ouch.
lonkite101 14
Great
Judus_beej 0
who doesn't like to shave pussy?
budster1993 2
LOL!!
MsTakenByBieber 0
haha good one
sourgirl101 29
Could be part of your foreplay. Role playing doctors before an operation;) I never tire of pussy jokes!
Judus_beej 0
yeah tizzzy who wants just vanilla sex?
preet610 0
LMFAO
KikiThePug 0
This also madey day.
yourmurderscenex 13
over dramatic much?
docscientist 10
Maybe you should take a nap, ignorance.
docscientist 10
Someone needs horse tranquilizer...
PointAndLaugh 0
And maybe their 'Shift' keys are broken.
MarineWifey88 3
When you're taking care of kids, you have to make sure they're safely occupied before doing anything for yourself. If you need to go to the bathroom, get the kids busy with some kind of safe activity in their rooms first. I have a toddler and a newborn, I learned the hard way.
DefineNormal 0
way to kill geez your no fun
CherryOnTop222 7
i reckon...way too much buzz kill for fml
C6Racer 0
Someone needs more babysitting experience! YDI
fakeaccountX 6
Babysitting experience? More like ******** experience!
Comedie 0
I have a feeling you won't be babysitting for this family again in a very long time.. And don't expect too much money on this one ! By the way, you deserve it. You should have made sure the kids were busy doing something else before leaving for 10 minutes ! ;)
logandean 0
haha and then OP still had to explain what happened to the parents.. "I couldn't stop them I was on the toilet for 10 minutes..." hopefully the parents had a sense of humor ;)
iGoRawrx3 0
kids are little ***** aren't they(:?
I_be_darn 3
LOL
Mariah162 0
LMAO, agreed!
fargo_fml 0
hey send me a freind rquest on fb fargo christianson
Thai1 0
kids rock
perez758 2
this could actually happen in seconds.. one time I went pee which took like one min to go and wash my hands and get out.. in that time the kids i was watching (that were busy watching a movie they love) noticed i wasn't visible, unlocked the front door, left the apartment, walked down the 3 flights of stairs, and down the block.. they were a 2 yr old and 3 yr old.. so lesson learned.. you CANT do ANYTHING EVER when watching kids. don't even try.