Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML
Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I realized I hate my wife with a fiery passion. I honestly don’t even care. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
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Top comments
springbok_fml 2
break up?
wmsdubstep 6
Get something bigger and slap her with it!
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Comments (123)
Nudi_fml 13
and why did you say the two of you are still together? None of you got the balls to break it off?
RomanCatMama 16
Sounds to me like the girlfriend has plenty of balls
Jays7 10
88- I second that, sir!
smashgrab 0
Here's a thought, grow a pair and leave her.
zaveeshaveesh3 7
Did you stay you were still with her? Maybe you should change that hmmm
SPC117 5
VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER! Unless the question is what is not the answer...then the answer is violence
sydneynault99 7
yey holler.
StormGirl142 24
Violence is not the answer. Violence is the question, and the answer is yes.
zaveeshaveesh3 7
^ but I thought violence was the question so how could the question also be yes? Unless there were two questions, therefore you needed the plural form of question which happens to be questions... Ahh now I got myself all worked up I need to go take a bath
MissMae93 23
And it took you a full year to realize this...?
stormchaser24 24
Get one of those police shields, a m32 with tear gas, and a gas mask. There you go.
xPhoBiuHzZz 1
Hopefully you have warranty on that furniture. Bring it back the brick.
sydneynault99 7
represent Winnipeg! hollerrrr
skokob 7
You should be happy that it's not knives! And be a man!
ZielZone 4
Break it off. Grab a set, man up and quit being whipped.
pandora_geass 9
OP will be in trouble when he tries to break it off..She'll probably set his house on fire or something. After taking all her stuff first, of course. But I suppose it's better to get it over with early before she starts giving him "hints" about marrying her.