Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
TikTok trending
Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML
The horror!
Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML
Coercive freak
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
I never thought this happened in real life
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Time to bail
Today, I realized I hate my wife with a fiery passion. I honestly don’t even care. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Anger issues
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Time to move on
Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML
Get your act together
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Top comments
springbok_fml 2
break up?
wmsdubstep 6
Get something bigger and slap her with it!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (123)
springbok_fml 2
break up?
rein 8
that's what you get when you date the hulk's girlfriend.
Ruler3000 17
Your soon to be Super Ex-Girlfriend?
wmsdubstep 6
That would be worse for the girlfriend, not OP.
hook_em 0
I bet she yelled hulk smash while throwing the furniture
shannonreneee 11
If this is happening after a year imagine what's going to happen in ten!
Friaza 29
She's a keeper.
cwissi 5
Maybe you guys will have a kid and then she'll throw that at you
animalover721 3
A pillow I wouldn't mind, but uh, does she throw sofas and tables? Then yikes.
xDefendPopPunkx 14
Go ahead and break up with her. But do it in football pads or something as a precaution. If she throws furniture when you're dating, what will she throw when you break up? Knives? Be safe friend.
poisonwolf 6
You need to use the 5 d's of a relationship. Dodge, dip, dive, duck, and dodge! If you can dodge her for a year you should be able to dodge a sofa!
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How the hell does shift lift the furniture and throw it? I am a lady and I need my husband to help with the pickle jar sometimes(all the time). Next time don't date a woman who is half man, or high as **** and you won't have that problem. You could even do a screening process like take them to the gym and see how much the can bench press. Good luck!!
SteelCladAngel 0
What are you a ******* pussy? It's not that hard to pick up a little end table or a kitchen chair...which are both considered "furniture" Small computer desks also fall under this category, as do plastic lawn chairs. Yes I'm a female, yes I sometimes need help with heavy lifting, but no, I won't pretend I can't lift small furniture because my husband might think it 'cute' that I'm 'so weak' And guess what? I'm not a half man or 'beast' I'm 5'2" and a /tight/ 130 pounds when I'm not pregnant.
Ruler3000 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
-91 I dont recall anyone asking your opinion. ^_^
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
97- thank you. 91- and I am 105, 5'3 also not pregnant. No I am not a pussy but I also don't own plastic lawn chairs because they are ugly, I have metal ones. And no, I don't own any tables that would be easy for me to lift and throw, I am also a minimalist and I don't have any decorative furniture besides books shelves which are also heavy and have a ton of books on them. The only end tables I have are the kind that fit behind the couch not tiny things on the sides and they are still quite heavy when considering you have to not only lift it but throw it. Maybe I just invest in more sturdy furniture then you do, who knows. Maybe I am just weaker then you are. It doesn't matter. And no I don't "pretend" to do anything, I am happy with who I am regardless if people think I am cute or a pussy, maybe you should try it. You made yourself look like a hot headed, arrogant person by your comment. It's not okay to go around trashing other people because they can't lift and throw furniture at someone. Honestly, some people...
RainbowHeadache 2
You sound like you're bragging about your fancy furniture. Lol I'm 5'2 and 8 months pregnant but I move things heavier than 50 pounds with ease. (which is safe if you lifted this much regularly before pregnancy. My doctor even told me so.) not sure what being pregnant has to do with what you guys are talking about. Being a woman is no excuse. The pickle jar thing is kind of pathetic though but I see where you're coming from with the furniture. Lifting is one thing, throwing is another.
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
107- I am not sure where pregnant came into it, she mentioned her weight while not pregnant? Which is obviously nit going to be the same during pregnancy lol. When pregnant I was not allowed to even lift something overran pounds but I was high risk. No, I am not braying about fancy furniture, I am sorry if it sounded that way, my mistake. I tried to word it in a way that was not so long and I should have explained why I was saying it, my apologizes. What I was trying to say is that the furniture I do have is made of heavy meterial.(couches, chairs, dinning table, side tables, bookcases, beds, dressers, etc.) I chose not to have a lot of furniture because I don't find it nessisary and what I do have I want to last for a long time. If you find something made of particle wood it would be lighter but it wouldn't last as long as solid wood does. Since I don't find the need for a lot of decorative furniture I am able to invest in solid wood. I am unsure of the difference that it makes when considering we are not only talkig about lifting it but throwing since I do not purchase particle wood furniture. I know it makes a bit of a difference but when lifting but idk about throwing. Personally I don't find particle wood and less "fancy" then solid wood, the only difference I see is in durability. You can by some unappealing furniture in both solid and particle wood so I don't think the material matters in that comparison, from my perspective of course. The only comparison I was trying to point out is that stronger material is generally heavier(not always of course). It could also be the type of wood I like(oak). I like stinger material so my furniture would be a lot heavier then someone's of a lighter wood. And for the patio furniture, metal is going to be heavier then plastic chairs. When I originally commented I did not think to put in what type of furniture I am talking about lifting, then someone said end tables, plasic furniture, etc. I don't own that so I did not come to mind as I don't see it everyday as I do my heavy-to-lift furniture. Maybe she does have smaller(not nessisarally less fancy or of different quality, just smaller) pieces of furniture, or of a lighter wood(not nessisarly less fancy or smaller), or maybe she has both. What I was tryig to point out is that I could not do that with my furniture which is of a heavy wood and large in size all around. I don't have any furniture that would be easy for any woman to lift and throw at someone unless that woman regularly benchpressed or worked her upper body muscles in order to lift heavier things. I only tone, I do not need to lift and I choose not to if I do not have to. That is my choice and I am happy with it no matter if it is perceived as cute or "pussy"-like. Not to say I dot have floor lamps, potted plants, etc. That could be thrown at someone but that is not furniture that is decorations and lighting.
zachherbert 10
32- well I guess there are to many Bruces around, so I changed my picture. 110- no need to write a book about your wood.
rawrriri 8
12, Care to explain how?
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
112- that was awesome!! Good play on words. I wouldn't have thought that there would have been a need but I guess my comment was perceived as bragging so I clarified the context in which it was originally meant.
Neorecon19 18
37 - She'll probably being throwing houses at him by then.
ifknh8usernames 7
110... SHUT UP!!
FarSide 23
Your relationship is dangerous, and will NOT improve. Get out of it NOW. NEVER, NEVER put up with physical abuse of yourself, or your children. Deal breaker. Call the cops, and then a lawyer. PLEASE NOTE: Most guys who are married 20+ years realized a long time ago that there is a lot of shit we hate about our wives. But there is a lot of stuff we love too. That's life. When your spouse knows virtually every fault, secret, and flaw you have.... and still accepts you, that is love. And you stay with that one.
spencerstoaker 7
Tl;dr
neliboo 0
ok~o.o
idontcare8l 3
110 - um hello wut types of metal , i just got my bowl of popcorn ready for your coment
Iheartfunny 1
As charlie sheen says never give a girl something that you wouldnt want thrown at your head. teddy bear=good steak knives=bad
wmsdubstep 6
Get something bigger and slap her with it!
MILFSaregood 7
Does your girlfriend happen to be steve wilkos?
hailphire130 0
Like his dick!!! No, wait. That wouldn't work...
mcintosh123 15
Actually It's going to work and it will hurt if you do the helicopter
ppatty 0
epic 28
Chaos187 6
Get the ***** cannon from jackass 3D and shoot it at her furniture throwing ass.
minisquid 9
How about Kanye West's ego?
Spade606 6
I see now why it has been a year since you last saw her
flagg1888 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I know the US school system is pitiful, but someone please teach this person how to read!! Or continue the American tradition and sue your school
ShyAnn29 15
4 did read it right....or else I read it wrong also...?
chickenwalrus 14
38, i know the "school system is pitiful" but learn to take a joke dude haha
Cheesecakee 11
Thats a easy problem to fix...
diceplaya 12
Yes, that would be a good reason to hate her.
pongdadong 6
Break up...the longer u wait the worse it gets!
BoredomCentral 8
I think it's time to get the f**k out of there and dump that crazy woman.
dstryke 0
I agree women only get worse after you show them weakness
jessesgirl14 16
Leave the bitch or kick her a$$ out! Trust me-- it only gets worse!!!
maskedman 9
Your picture fits this FML. SO, DON'T CHANGE IT!
pippacrawford 4
Lol, I love your picture. Perfect fit for this FML. And my ex, too, come to think of it haha =P
vashthestampede 0
DODGE!
kkmwong 11
Time to throw out this relationship.