Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend insisted on doing some stupid TikTok where we say one thing we’d change about each other. She hates that I don’t always put plates straight in the dishwasher. I hate that she gets her makeup all over the sink without cleaning it. She got mad and threw a book at my head. FML
Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend moved into my house and I have now discovered she is one of those evil, unnatural beings: a Morning Person. FML
Today, my girlfriend hates my friends and I'm not allowed to talk or hang out with them. She keeps threatening my job. The only reason I'm still with her is because she will try and get me fired. She's crazy and so is the rest of her family. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I realized I hate my wife with a fiery passion. I honestly don’t even care. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
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Top comments
springbok_fml 2
break up?
wmsdubstep 6
Get something bigger and slap her with it!
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Comments (123)
kitkatknicknack 12
Than suck it up and break up with her you dope!
NinjaStar999 0
If your girlfriend gets hit with the living room chair..all the cops should ask is what she doing out of the kitchen
samatoulai 0
May I please ask why the **** are you still with her?
FarSide 23
Any one more thing to all FMyLife readers... both male and female, teens and adults, single and married. Here are a few words of wisdom for what it is worth. That other woman, or that other man who you may find so spectacular, who is physically gorgeous or handsome, who may sweep you off your feet, who may put butterflies in your stomach or make your knees go weak when you see them, about who you may fantasize: Somewhere on the planet somebody probably is/has been sick and tired of that person's shit for a long time and maybe can't stand them. Don't go by looks... that crap is guaranteed to change. Choose your life partner for their innermost qualities and character for a lifetime relationship.
ohmandapants 17
And you don't leave because...you have a ****** where your balls should be?
panderluver 0
Nice to know...
GwarKitty 5
lmfaoooooooooo 4
Not for anything but wouldn't u be scared to break up with your girlfriend if she threw furniture at you?
sarawrlame 0
She breaks your face, you break her heart.
Mojo66930 0
Dude, you gotta dump her azz.