Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML
Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML
Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML
Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
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Top comments
jtthegr8 26
Start wearing a diaper?
CbDemyx 1
At least it's one or the other and not both.
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Comments (121)
AnonymousChik 5
Oh geez that must suck :/
Roevera 14
THANK you! For pointing out the obvious! I honestly don't know where we'd be without you #1!!
hellbilly205 17
Hay, its not so bad...you could be in a hospital on your death bed...
gamercanadian 11
No duh that's why it's on FML in the first place.
Mr_SpaceMonkey 0
Sure doesn't suck as much as the first comment.
cocodecoeur 12
Thanks again Captain Obvious!
FMLshark 12
No, I'm sure she enjoys every bit of it. That's why she posted it on **** My Life instead of My Life Is Great. :| ...
Fluhz 6
MLIG hahaha!
jtthegr8 26
Start wearing a diaper?
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
Then she will get her practice for changing a diaper!
jtthegr8 26
Exactly ^ :)
iamyummylicious 14
Sadly I have to agree with you. When my sister-in-law was pregnant she had to wear them. They make some really inconspicuous diapers.
gloopyone 4
Some people have a diaper fetish, maybe she'll get extra loving from her husband!
TwinArmageddons 4
That is if he's into that.
TwinArmageddons 4
That is if he's into that.
alstbv12 13
Hmm diaper and pregnant fetish. *checks pornhub* I don't see it.
KeyboardWarrior 10
*Shudder*
rubberduckie94 13
Welcome to motherhood. Not saying that all moms wear diapers, but pregnancy can weaken some important muscles. Bad news they generally stay that way unless you remember to do your kegals. But hey what's a little dripping when you are going to have that baby to love. congratulations.
at_1sexymofo 3
Awe, thats not funny...tehe lol but seriously YLS
thecookielovrxx 8
LOL
bizarre_ftw 22
To be fair, I was going to suggest pads
CbDemyx 1
At least it's one or the other and not both.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Yet.
MagicallyFat 12
I just want to take some time out of my day and thank god for, 1 being male and 2 having no allergies. I'm sorry OP I hope this is all over soon
breakdowns 2
That's strangely arousing.
missalkali 8
ew. ur twisted
KunoKanashimi 3
No...No, not really.
FMLshark 12
And you're strangely disturbing.
Meme1988 18
Weirdo
faith94m 5
no it isn't.
LMA0 5
I ******' love pregnant chicks that fart and piss their pants!
bizarre_ftw 22
It isn't the strangest thing humanity has found arousing by far. But personally I still find it odd and hard to fully understand
xattitudegurlx 13
Better hope for the fart.
wadehuett 3
that's not good soon the baby will pop out lol
Branflakes78 13
was that supposed to be funny?
BBGxBlondie 6
He put 'lol' after it, so that means he laughed! Therefore, it must be funny!
kertec 1
My god! What a humorous comment you have posted! Please, wait a short while before posting any more of your comedic gold on this site, as my sides are sore from simply laughing at this one here!
ProhibitionRose 14
There should be some safe allergy medicine you can take while pregnant. I'm only 11 weeks pregnant and if I'm not in the bathroom the second I have to per, I'm pissing all over myself. It sucks, but I've heard a lot of women wear pads while pregnant to keep from soaking their underwear. Talk to your doctor, it's embarrassing but it's nothing they haven't heard. :)
writergirl23 19
Lol I'm 16 weeks and I get it bad too :( but nooo antihistamines for me!! :P
ninjuh_wingman 29
Well you can always hope it doesnt get worse.
abzz90 2
In these situations you have to look at the bigger picture. After four more months of farting and wetting your self you will have a really beautiful baby girl or boy.
osteobabe 13
After the birth odds are she could continue to wet herself. Fun times!
IStoleTheCookies 16
Her muscles in her uterus may relax slightly due to the stretching where the baby has passed, but most women can gain back control by doing some simple square a few times each day.
IStoleTheCookies 16
Squats* damn word corrector -.-
desireev 18
Walking is the best way to get your muscles to tighten up again! OP, when you finally have your precious baby, go out for walks! I know you're going to be tired... But it's good for the body, mind, and soul! Good luck! :)
DrMaverickRanger 4
Since when do the muscles in the uterus have anything to do with urinary continence?
happymum_fml 10
Been there. Awful!