Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
jacetopia96 1
Does not sound sexy.
Captain0bv10us 0
Excuse me for a minute, I have lost all faith in humanity
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Comments (192)
OrgasmicBunnies 9
And from this day forward, It went down as the greatest handjob in history.
iRapeCats1234 0
foul swoop dumbass
selbow 3
Actually 59, you're the dumbass. It is fell. It originates from the days when trees were cut down by hand. Fell - To cause to fall by striking; cut or knock down: fell a tree; fell an opponent in boxing. Subsequently that developed into the saying "one fell swoop" meaning something happens in a single period of activity, usually swiftly and ruthlessly. Next time think before you open your mouth spilling uneducated bullshit and insulting someone who has twice the intellectual ability than that of your pea brain.
ogplusog 4
Finally finally finally, a grammar/english Nazi who WINS!
TN9R 1
might want to check if theres any damage to the hull. op, did you know about it beforehand? and try and talk her out of it?
KGabehart9 0
So I guess you really have blue balls now right?
_Oblivion_ 12
******* dumbshit learn some english before you go fagging up the comments.
kelsey_katie 17
Ouch!! I'm sorry op. Some girls are just thar bitchy..
cheer4ever96 8
Well isn't that just peachy! I think it's time to get a new girl or hit a gym.
x_KL_x 7
I weep for the future.
SolemnlyLove 7
teabag her? she owes you and you'll feel a lot better
_Oblivion_ 12
******* dumbshit; learn some english before you go fagging up the comments.