Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML
Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
jacetopia96 1
Does not sound sexy.
Captain0bv10us 0
Excuse me for a minute, I have lost all faith in humanity
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Comments (192)
meidel 5
True but it was rather disrespectful
deadeyedex 6
U sir are still in elementary school
catnip1997 0
wait so you're saying she's fat?
davek 36
FYL, but hey some guys pay good money for that sort of treatment!
LilaBear 2
Thankyou for saying 'fell' swoop rather than 'foul'. Nice to know there are some people out there who can use the expression properly.
UsagiArwen 23
Agreed. Someone earlier even incorrectly corrected the OP saying that the expression is Fatal Swoop. Where the hell do they get that from, I wonder?
kalamazoorocks 8
And you're fourteen... I'm glad you're announcing that you know this to the world
jobsman99 0
tell her to kiss therm and make them better
BOOSCAREDU 0
What did 101 say?!
iloooovemylife 7
Look at the bright side you won't have kids now !!
flashback.miss 28
# 2, SHUT UP.