Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

Thunder stealer

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

Weird family

Today, I learned I’m shooting blanks and can’t have children. My wife’s response was that her brother can be our sperm donor. She has no issue with this. FML

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. She took the opportunity to tell me that she's pregnant. With my half-brother. FML

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

Clout goblins

Today, I'm 6 months pregnant with my first child and excited. My brother and his girlfriend announced they're getting married… on my due date. They refuse to change the date. FML

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML