Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
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Top comments
bob1124 0
So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?
fxdxhk90 0
There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.
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Comments (107)
Delilahlilah 0
YDI for having one night stands. You, and the guy, both fail.
DrAwesome 6
You guys aren't seeing the big picture. Apparently, all it took for him to stop drinking so much was to sleep with the OP. I tip my hat to you for helping someone in need of an intervention.
drinkupgorgeous 0
HAHAHA WIN.
mysterynmayhem 0
that comment WAS made of win haha
The666Ghost 17
That was the biggest win on any Fml, I have ever seen.
Rated_RKO6 0
Ok this just might be me, and this is just a stab in the dark, but what if he just wasn't talking about you? What if he just had some serious gut-rot issues or something and slid out of bed cuz he felt sick and that's what he meant by "i gotta lay off the beer" ?
drinkupgorgeous 0
FYL because I'm sure you're beautiful. But also YDI for having a one night stand.
noshitsherlock 0
maybe he was just hungover! That's a really asshole-ish thing to say though. and LOL @ all the thorny-stick-up-their-asses conservative/judgmental/ignorant/brainwashed people
Inactive107 0
Yes, being judgmental and assessing reality for what it is a crime. Also, because you are judgmental you are also ignorant (because you don't really know what you're talking about), and brain washed (due to you being ignorant people can easily sway your influence). To top it all off, if you're conservative you all of these combined because these aren't common problems with the human race as a whole. Makes sense. Let us not even assess if you are all of these things as well (except for conservative perhaps?)
saze_fml 0
OP might be a **** but that doesn't automatically mean she should have to put up with this lack of manners. If you regret sleeping with someone, just shut your mouth and piss off out of there.
alijacket 0
LMAO #27. I had to check out the profiles... and... yeah.
kittenkissies 0
Why isn't the guy considered a ****, too? Why is mistake sex always the girl's fault?
burb_fml 0
Because this site has many sexist and unintelligent people.
jollyjam1 2
Hey genius, because we're not commenting on the guy's FML but the female's (based on the FML she is no lady).
Whatever80 0
I Agree .
Naheelawhatwhat 0
I really feel bad for you OP because the only way you can get laid is if the guy is completely drunk off his ass? It must suck for you being ugly OP......well you know how the old saying goes: "If she's a 2 at 10 she'll be a 10 at 2....I guess he was fooled by you. Maybe get un ugly?
Naheelawhatwhat 0
I really feel bad for you OP because the only way you can get laid is if the guy is completely drunk off his ass? It must suck for you being ugly OP......well you know how the old saying goes: "If she's a 2 at 10 she'll be a 10 at 2....I guess he was fooled by you. Maybe get un ugly?