Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bob1124 0
So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?
fxdxhk90 0
There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
epicfail13337 4
Nothing wrong with a one-night stand. Wouldn't have one if I was ugly though. And never have one with a drunk person because you don't really know what they'll think of you when they're sober. People see different things when they're drunk. Even if you think you're attractive don't do it, because you don't know if the other person will think you're attractive.
Brittanii 0
damn... das rude as shitt... dntt. take itt. ta heartt. :(
tjloves904 0
hahah, favorited.
PurpleHaze23 0
Can some of you people stop going all feminist? I'm a girl myself and if someone thinks it's slutty to have one night stands then so be it. Why are you all just focused on defending women? None of these people said "it's slutty to have one night stands IF YOU'RE A WOMAN". They just said it's slutty. Matter of opinion. God, seems like everywhere you go now you find people going all defensive in regards to women's rights out of the blue, even when it's not irrelevant.
PurpleHaze23 0
Even when it's irrelevant*, sorry.
Shadow_Sniper 0
#84 that's only because the word **** implies a woman, not a man. I've never heard of any guy be referred to as 'slutty.'
esushi 0
Uh, what? I know tons of slutty guys, and guys who get called slutty, and guys that I've called slutty. Saying it's gender-specific is extremely misogynistic of you.
Shadow_Sniper 0
esushi, do you understand what misogynistic means? Because the fact of the matter is that the word **** usually implies a woman. And although you may have called guys ***** before, I'm sure they didn't take very much offense to it.
Shadow_Sniper 0
from dictionary.com **** –noun 1. a dirty, slovenly woman. 2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute. I rest my case.
penny69 0
I think you missed my point. every time I read an fml that has to do with a guy having sex, there are not many comments saying that he is a "man *****" or something along those lines. I defend women because I am a woman not because I am a feminist. just like how I would defend human rights because I am a human. you're ugly btw
Colby_Colbert 0
Pwned!!!
islaphippos 0
well what does it matter now, you got some ass right?
daytona81 0
so he fell off the bed but looked down at you? can you please explain...
angel1495 0
#89, the OP said "slid out of bed," not "fell". You can slide out of a bed and put your feet on the ground and, therefore, stand and look down at someone. Think before you write. More people should.
MimiKnox 0
Haha, I'm with him on this one.....the next day when I look at the photos on my camera from the night before, its like 'shiitt, what was I thinking?' coz the guys look drugfucked and the type I would NEVER go for if I was sober. darn beer googles!
Jamila_fml 0
Eh. Oh well. You'll get over it.